Monday, April 29, 2013

"His Sneakers Came to Kill"

Screencap of Johnny during his appearance 
on Food Network's Chopped All-Stars, 
in which he competed for the Human Rights Campaign
a non-profit LGBT equality organization, while
wearing the "coolest sneakers" the judges had ever seen.

And once again we enter the territory of Shows I Have Never Ever Watched But Johnny Is On This Episode So Yay! Let's Record Every Airing Just In Case with last night's Chopped All-Stars. And it was actually a lot of fun, and very fast-paced, which I sort of preferred over the more drawn-out episodes of Rachael vs. Guy. Johnny was a hit, as always, judging by a multitude of Twitter reactions. His shoes and his dramatic exit—clearly meant to be hilarious—were especially enjoyed by Twitter, as you'll see below.

The other best part: the number of times he got to plug HRC and marriage equality. #winning 

The usual screencap recap follows after the video. Warning: spoilers in the captions!

Yes, we have video!! Bon appétit!
Video link.

During the show intro, judge Ted Allen intones, 
"FIERCE celebrity competitors..." 
as the camera zooms in on Johnny.

"Then there's Olympic figure skater Johnny Weir. 
He skates circles around his competition on the ice, 
and nothing throws him for a loop in the kitchen."

Johnny: "I'm a national champion three times over...

...I'm competing for the Human Rights Campaign 
Foundation. Fifty thousand dollars is a LOT of money... if that can be my contribution...

...I'll play dirty if I need to. 
I've got the edge to spin this competition...

...MY way."

Judge Ted explains the judging criteria: 
"Presentation, taste, and creativity. 
If your dish doesn't cut it, you will be chopped."

"If you are the one competitor who manages 
to NOT get chopped, you will advance 
to the All-Stars finale, where the grand prize 
is $50,000 for your favorite charity."

Johnny: "Yay!"

The competitors open their baskets 
to reveal the ingredients: vanilla cupcakes, 
chicken tenders, avocados, and kochujang.

"I am absolutely in LOVE with vanilla cupcakes, 
so my plan is to create cupcake-laced chicken tenders—
but I think the icing will be way too sweet, 
so I add in the crumbs of the bottoms of the cupcakes."

"I refuse to sweat, so I'm trying not to run fast, 
but there's definitely body smells coming off people 
because of the nerves. I'm afraid my hair's going to fall 
from the heat in the kitchen. It's just utter chaos." 
Meanwhile, the judges note: "Mr. Weir has an advantage 
over probably anybody here. His life depends 
on a routine set to a timer."

"I've had kochujang on multiple occasions in Korea. 
It's got a curried, Indian flavor. I want to put it with 
the cupcake and chicken. I hope it tastes good 
with everything. I'm rolling with it."
(Not sure how much he likes it, 
judging by the look on his face...)

"I love sweets, so there's nothing more that I would 
love than to make it to the dessert round and compete 
for this $50,000 for the Human Rights Campaign 
Foundation, which has really been instrumental in 
fighting the fight for the lesbian, gay, bisexual, and 
transgender community."

And time's up!

Judge Ted: "All-Stars, this is the chopping block!"

Johnny's dish!

Judge Marcus Samuelsson: "I am a sneaker fanatic, 
and these are the COOLEST sneakers 
we've ever had on the show!" 
Johnny: "They're in case I have to fight anyone, 
especially Miss Laila." 
Laila: "The shoes will not help."

The competitors await the judges' verdict....

...and Johnny is sad when it is revealed that 
Judy has been chopped. "I love you!" he calls 
as she exits the kitchen.

Round 2: the entrée.

Johnny ponders this new set of ingredients. 
"Inside that gelatin is the soul of the devil," he warns.

Judge Ted: "Johnny Weir—he's an Olympian. 
Competition is his soul."

"Being a figure skater, I've constantly had to 
watch my weight, and in general, I'm on a diet, 
so I'm going to make small portions of skirt steak with a 
little oil and a little balsamic, and an orange-infused 
collard green salad on the side."

"For me, being a gay man and having the right 
to marry somebody I love—it wouldn't be possible 
without people like the Human Rights Campaign Foundation... 
That's why I'm competing for them."

With less than a minute left, Johnny realizes: 
"Oh God. I forgot about the matzo. So the only thing 
I can really think to do is to crush it up by hand 
and add a nice little crunch to the greens."

Voilà! Round 2 is over!

But Johnny is concerned about his effort...

"I'm fine with small portions. I'm comfortable 
cooking that way. Hopefully the judges feel the same way."

Johnny's second dish of the night!

As the competitors again await judging, 
Johnny says ruefully, "My dish—it looked pretty, 
but I wanted to blow their socks off." 
Out front, the judges discuss his dish, noting that 
the steak was perfectly seasoned, but the portion was 
too small, and he did not fully incorporate the matzo.

The moment of truth. Who will be chopped this round? 
Judge Ted: "Johnny—"

Johnny: "—I knew it!"

Judge Marcus: "Johnny, you brought a sense of style 
that we've never seen here at the Chopped kitchen, 
and you were up against two really strong 
competitors who just out-cooked you by THIS much..." 
He holds up thumb and forefinger to indicate 
what a narrow margin it was.

Goodbye hugs for Joey and Laila.

"I'm absolutely gutted that I couldn't get 
the $50,000 for the Human Rights
Campaign Foundation—"

[...begins sobbing...]

"—and I WILL knock something over—
I don't know what exactly..."

[...sobbing continues...]
(He's kidding. We all get that, right?)
Epilogue: Laila Ali went on to defeat Joey Fatone 
and earn the last spot in the Choppped All-Stars finale. 
Congratulations, Laila!

Please consider a contribution to HRC 
in support of Johnny and of all that HRC does 
to fight for equality!

Bonus pics!! (I'm sure everybody's already seen these 
from the weekend, but I love them so much.) 
Photo posted by Chris Benz: "Summer kickoff 
w/ @johnnygweir #actionshot"

Photo tweeted by Johnny: "CB business card. 
cmbenz Konichiwa!! @ Cipriani Downtown" 

Very special thanks to Jenn Kittler 
for her invaluable help with screencaps and video!!

Nike is looking to sponsor an out gay athlete, 
and Johnny is the perfect choice! The sample ad above 
is just one imagining of a Johnny / Nike partnership, 
and here's what you can do right now 
to help make it happen: 
Please continue to tweet @Nike and tell them 
that you want them to sponsor Johnny! 
If you’re not on Twitter, you can call Nike 
at 1-800-344-6453 or write to them 
at Nike World Headquarters, One Bowerman Drive, 
Beaverton, OR 97005. More info here! #JustDoIt

Congratulations to Johnny, winner of the 
Delaware Valley Legacy Fund's HERO Award!! 
Johnny will be honored at the DVLF's annual 
Heroes event on Sunday, May 19, in Philadelphia. 
Tickets on sale now! For more info, 
please visit the DVLF website.

ICYMI: Johnny Weir random rehearsal clips. 
Video link
Alternate link.

15+ exclusive new photos 
© David Ingogly.

"Army of Johnny."
25+ exclusive new photos 
© David Ingogly.

A number of Johnny's auction items have been relisted
which means if you missed out the first time around, 
you're in luck: It's not too late to own a piece of Weir Gear! 
Go check it out and see what treasures you could take home!

Ice Dreams returns! (Though apparently
not to Chicago, sadly.) More info here!

Please alert absolutely everyone you've ever met 
to "like" and follow the new 
on Facebook, Twitter, and Tumblr
Because he should be on all the things. 
With or without ice. 
But definitely with Viacheslav.

Landing quads and kicking ass!
Read his comeback statement 
and the update on his website!

Please click to vote for Johnny 
once a day as "Best Sportsman"
Because he retweeted Luisa Lotka to tell us 
he wants us to! (Note: With his "58.132" rating, 
he is currently in 1st place in both 
Figure Skating AND across all sports!)

Need to see Seasons 1 and 2 all over again? 
Watch episodes online anytime on Logo!
Please be sure to check in with GetGlue
anytime you're watching the show... 
or thinking about watching the show.... 
or wishing you were watching the show....

At last: Pop Star On Ice is now available on DVD!
Order yours today from the Pop Star On Ice website!

Johnny tweeted:
"Buy my single,'Dirty Love' via iTunes.
Tell all your friends to as well. The more copies sold
takes me one step closer to making a video! №1!"

You know what to do.
Please buy the song from Johnny's website,
or just click the "Buy" button on the player
at the top of the blog!

Hey, Welcome to My World also is available
as an eBook! More info on Johnny's website!

copyright 2013 / Binky and the Misfit Mimes / Lynn V. Ingogly / all rights reserved


aaaack said...

Johnny's shoes, if sterilized, could do a great job tenderizing chuck steak. Might go great with a variation of Lady Gaga's meat dress.

That was a great, dramatic histrionic cry at the end. It looks really different from the real deal (say, crying with joy at his first National gold) and is definitely staged. Johnny understands the need for drama in television.

Nancy Knisley said...

Do the people tweeting and posting complaints and criticisms about Johnny Weir's Chopped All-Star "temper tantrum" and sobbing exit also think he was prepared to fight boxer Laila Ali?