Friday, April 30, 2010

Spent: Afterward, a Cigarette and Some Cognac...

Johnny Weir strikes a post-finale pose
at the Ice Theatre of New York, April 29, 2010
photo (c) 2010 Wendy Gross Birnbaum
posted to Johnny Weir's Facebook fan page


There really are no words.

The anticipation. The butterflies. The ever-increasing excitement all day long--really, for weeks now.

The moment draws closer and closer. You've waited so long for this.

And then: It's him. It's really him. And it's all so much more than you could ever even have imagined.

For all the lucky ones who were blessed to see Johnny Weir's two amazing performances at the Ice Theatre of New York last night--his new "Heartbroken" piece and the fan-favorite "Bad Romance"--watching him skate live was breathtaking, spectacular, unbelievably moving, and absolutely unforgettable.

(And then! To meet him afterwards! OMG I DIE, as Facebook fan Ashley Taylor would say.)

For those of us living vicariously from afar, it was incredible happiness for our fellow privileged Weirlandians, tinged with deep, gnawing wistfulness that we were the ones left at home, dateless on prom night, waiting for the pics and videos to hit the Facebook page.

And so, as those first comments and photos began coming in, and then more and more (and more today, I'm sure), all of Weirlandia found itself awash in the Chelsea Piers event, everyone together soaking in the souvenirs, marinating in the footage, bathing in the photos, luxuriating in each story of each moment (hugs! kisses! cupcakes! and yes, he smells WONDERFUL!), all of it reaching a crescendo--

--a climax, if you will--

--because there is no denying the incredibly powerful and beautiful gender-transcendant sexual vibe that underlies everything Johnny Weir--

and then--

It was over.

Sighhhhhhhhh.

[...and thousands of tiny smoke rings wafted over the pink trees of Weirlandia, accompanied by the gently musical clinking of many cognac glasses...]


Please keep voting for Johnny
as "Most Addictive Reality Star"
in the NewNowNext Awards! Vote here
(he's the last one listed in the fifth category--scroll down!)
or on Twitter by constantly tweeting #realityWEIR.
Voting ends June 4, which gives us plenty of time
to get Johnny oh, say, ONE MILLION votes!

Thank you to Facebook fan Nicole Davis,
whose words inspired this post. :)
copyright 2010 / Binky and the Misfit Mimes / Lynn V. Ingogly / all rights reserved

Thursday, April 29, 2010

In the Wake of Mongoose Droppings, and in Anticipation of the Unparalleled Beauty and Artistry That Will Be Johnny at the Ice Theatre of New York Tonight

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure ...
We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.
--Marianne Williamson


Johnny, you are a far bigger spirit
than can be contained in the narrow, inbred world
of competitive figure skating--
hence your popularity the world over
not only for the sheer brilliance of what you do,
but also for being unafraid to be who you are.

You shine so brightly
that all others fade into nothingness,
mere backdrops for you
and what you bring to every performance.

Others skate. You transcend skating.

Every time you take to the ice, you transport us,
with all the beauty, passion, natural talent,
and mesmerizing artistry that is yours.

The journey always ends too soon,
always leaves us wanting more.

You are powerful.
You are fabulous and witty.
You are fierce!
And you are kindness, grace, and dignity personified
in some very difficult moments.

You have no equal, on the ice or off.

Please know that you are loved everywhere.
And always, you are a champion.


Please keep voting for Johnny
as "Most Addictive Reality Star"
in the NewNowNext Awards! Vote here
(he's the last one listed in the fifth category--scroll down!)
or on Twitter by constantly tweeting #realityWEIR.
Voting ends June 4, which gives us plenty of time
to get Johnny oh, say, ONE MILLION votes!

photo (c) 2010 Cuties Ice Dreams
copyright 2010 / Binky and the Misfit Mimes / Lynn V. Ingogly / all rights reserved

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Bitch, PLEASE.

Johnny's future's so bright, he's gotta wear shades!


Oh, Evan.

Evan, Evan, Evan.

Really?

While Johnny was at the Breast Cancer Research Foundation Hot Pink Party supporting that worthy cause and looking completely ab fab and having people line up to be photographed with him, you were apparently busy running your mouth in a Q&A with Metromix Indianapolis, a publication that I have successfully managed to avoid throughout my entire life up to this point, which really wasn't that difficult since I've never even heard of it, so when I saw the link I was like, "WTF?" Although apparently this leading-edge entertainment guide, or whatever it is, is available everywhere in the quaint Americana that is Indianapolis, including these fine establishments: "$4.00 Pizza", "21st Amendment Liquors," "8 Lucky Buffet," "Ugly Monkey," and, of course, both "Brown Bunz Tanning Salon" and "Tan Elite."

(Which brings up a fascinating point raised by alert Facebook fan Jessica Lane: "You know, when Johnny tans, his ass gets a little heart. But somehow when Evan tans, it goes so horribly wrong ... ")

Anyway, equally alert fan Jennifer Apodaca was the first to post the MetroWTFmix link on Johnny's Facebook page. Seeing that there were already 38 comments on it by the time I got there 38 seconds later, I immediately clicked the link to check it out.

And then after I read the interview, I spent a few leisurely moments just chillaxing by sticking my head out of my home-office window and screaming, "OMFG I NEED TO KILL SOMETHING!" over and over.

(It's OK. My neighbors across the street have entire conversations in their backyard that I can hear with crystalline clarity on my front porch even without the aid of the Loud 'n' Clear personal hearing amplifier in which the most frequently used word is "MOTHERF**KERS" and all fanciful variants thereof. So we understand each other.)

Then I sat back down at my desk to formulate a response that did not include the descriptor "douchenozzle"--which is stuck in my head thanks to the good people at ontd_skating--a task that I found quite challenging, given my subject. Because, as Glee's Puck would say, Evan made me want to light myself on fire even before he opened his mouth and became the hideous thing that ate Indianapolis.

Let's start with an overview: The entire piece is an exercise in stuff that only the ontd_skating people can really describe with made-up words that make me laugh until I cry but can't be used here because I didn't click the button that turns on the "Adult Content" warning for this blog. Although I may have to. But for now, please go read the comments here because they are priceless.

But here's the part that really pissed me off:

Fellow American Olympic skater Johnny Weir has said he feels snubbed by “Stars on Ice” because his sexual orientation wasn’t “family-friendly enough.” Thoughts?
“Stars on Ice” is really selective of who they hire and they only hire the best of the best to skate. It would’ve been hard of them to justify hiring him, and I think he was really upset because he wanted the financial benefit of the tour. A lot of us in the skating world were really disappointed in the way he reacted, basically whining that he wasn’t chosen.

The question is poorly worded to begin with, which in no way further lowers my opinion of this stellar ... thing (good Lord, what IS it? A magazine? A newspaper? One of those free dating rags loaded with creepy personals and thinly covered in "articles"? What?) to somewhere just south of Antarctica. Which I think would be a really great place for Evan and SOI to go next. Permanently.

To kindly clarify for this reporter, who apparently did not have time to do her homework because she was too busy tanning or watching Failing With the Has-Beens: (1) Johnny did not ever say he felt snubbed. However, he WAS, in fact, snubbed. And there's no way around that no matter how much SOI tries to deny it with breathy gasps of indignation and fluttery little hand movements.  (2) No one--and especially not Johnny--ever said his sexual orientation was not "family-friendly enough." It was said that Johnny himself was not "family friendly." Johnny has always maintained that he did not know where that comment came from, nor even what it means.

But OK. A stupid question was asked, so of course, Evan, you were contractually obligated to provide a stupid answer. So props for that, because you could not have been more graceless and uninformed in your response. Let's break it down:

♦ The "best of the best"? Johnny is both a three-time US National Champion and a two-time Olympian. You're not. Neither is Jeremy Abbott, nor Emily Hughes, nor Alyssa Czisny, nor any of the other skaters on SOI's roster this season as far as I know--except for Todd Eldredge, whose competitive career was truly among the best of the best.

♦ "Stars on Ice is really selective of who they hire." "It would have been hard of them to justify hiring him." First of all, you're a native English speaker. Surely you know when to use "of" and when to use "about" or "for." (Although, as my daughter helpfully pointed out, "Mom, maybe it's an ESL thing. You know, Evan as a Second Language." Which would certainly help to explain this. And this.) Secondly: See above.

♦ "I think he was really upset because he wanted the financial benefit of the tour." And may we assume from this statement that you are skating for SOI for free? Because you're just so beautiful dirty rich?

♦ "A lot of us in the skating world were really disappointed in the way he reacted, basically whining that he wasn’t chosen." EXCUSE ME. Johnny did NOT whine. EVER. We fans did all the whining on his behalf, although I don't think "whining" is really the word to describe what we did about the travesty that is SOI. Championed the cause? Spoke out against the obvious discrimination? Got the power of GLAAD behind us? Pointed out all the facts I've already mentioned, of which, despite all the play in the media, you seem to remain blissfully ignorant?

And may I also remind you that throughout all the media firestorm that resulted from SOI's indefensible stance, every time Johnny was asked about it, he simply shrugged and said something along the lines of, "I've never been invited before, and I didn't expect to be invited this year."

That's not whining, Evan. That's just a fact.

And BTW: Nearly every time Johnny has been asked about the 2010 Olympic judging, he has made space in his response to include a congratulations to you for winning the gold. Because he's just classy and gracious like that.
 
But it's all good. Because long after Evan Lysacek is just a footnote in some paperback sports-trivia book at the dollar store, Johnny Weir will still be going strong, a success at whatever he puts his heart, mind, and soul into--because that's the only way he knows how to live--and people will love him the world over for it.

Like they do now.

So. Just when I thought I couldn't dislike Evan Mongass* Lysacek any more than I already do, he goes all projectile verborrhea on me and achieves a new low. It's sort of the complete opposite of how Johnny's star has just totally taken off since NOT medaling at the Olympics. Evan has now arrived at the nadir of both grace and media savvy. Apparently that's where he landed when he fell on his head the other day, an incident that leads those who want to give him a break over the EPIC FAIL that is this interview to mumble, "Maybe it's the concussion talking ... ?"
 
Not buying it, Orange Bro.
 


Please keep voting for Johnny
as "Most Addictive Reality Star"
in the NewNowNext Awards! Vote here
(he's the last one listed in the fifth category--scroll down!)
or on Twitter by constantly tweeting #realityWEIR.
Voting ends June 4, which gives us plenty of time
to get Johnny oh, say, ONE MILLION votes!

*Thanks to Johnny Weir Facebook fan Anna Acierno for "Mongass" :)
copyright 2010 / Binky and the Misfit Mimes / Lynn V. Ingogly / all rights reserved

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Twimps R Us

Are you following Ice Theatre of New York
on Twitter yet? Also, do you think
this makes me look like a pimp?


Some weeks ago, we proved that, as fans go, we are really kind of amazing. Individually, we might run that interesting gamut from agoraphobics to cat collectors to ninjas in trees to former extremely bored church potluck-committee members to those who run naked with scissors, but in the collective, we are POWERFUL.

We are fans who will stop at NOTHING to accomplish a goal for our beloved Johnny Weir. We are the kind of people who can garner 10,000 signatures on an Internet petition in just two weeks of dedicated pimping. And we also are fans who are currently wandering around aimlessly like kindergarteners who need SOMETHING TO DO because WE'RE BORED, MOM, and if somebody doesn't get out the foam hearts and the glitter glue and the safety scissors pretty damn quick, we will get ourselves into trouble again in some way that likely will end in tears and that time-honored shriek, "I'm TELLING!"

I'm happy to say that there are several really cool fan projects potentially in the works whose details just need some ironing out, like my husband's shirts used to until I simply stopped buying him those kinds of shirts because HELLO. Ironing? Really? My great-grandmother was a wonderfully sweet Presbyterian lady who ironed everyone's underwear, and I am her legacy: Overalls and crinkled T-shirts (because they're SUPPOSED to look like that) for me; sweats for my son; polos for my husband who gets dressed in the dark half-asleep and is lucky he doesn't go to work wearing my clothes because really, he'll just wear whatever's left hanging over the back of the chair from last night; and of course anything she wants for my daughter because SHE DOES HER OWN LAUNDRY.

So while we're waiting for multiple green lights on really cool stuff that we can do to support Johnny, I think it's time we all put our pimp hats and our happy pants and our purple blazers back on, polish up our urban lingo ("Yo, I'm happy for you, Evan, and I'ma let you finish, but Johnny had the best free skate of all time!")  and pimp out some stuff. Especially because Johnny has asked us to.

(1) From Johnny's Twitter: "Go to this link, register, and vote for the Christian Bale Remix under Video Remixes & Mashups for LUCIAN! http://www.youtube.com/webby." As you know, Lucian Piane, aka RevoLucian, is RuPaul's producer, and he has put together a song for Johnny to record called "Dirty Love." You may have heard a little something about this, in the way that you may have heard that the earth is not flat. So let's show our support for Johnny and Lucian by voting in the Webbys and pimping the link out everywhere we can!

(2) Also from Johnny's Twitter: "Saw myself in the same commercial as Snookie. Lovely. Vote for me for most addictive reality star @ http://bit.ly/94tkSm." First of all, may I say how interesting it must be to see yourself in a commercial, and how quickly that impression must go from "interesting" to "OMGWTFBBQ" when Snookie shows up. Secondly: Johnny, honey, OF COURSE! We've been voting for you since you were announced as a nominee two weeks ago! Some fans have issued themselves a challenge to vote 100 times a day for Johnny, which I applaud while wondering if we ever seem, you know, kind of strange to other people...

What a silly thought. Anyway, you can vote as many times as you want on the NewNowNext site. Johnny is the last nominee listed in the fifth category, "Most Addictive Reality Star," so be sure to SCROLL ALL THE WAY DOWN to find him. Or you can vote on Twitter just by constantly tweeting #realityWEIR. Voting continues through June 4, which gives us plenty of time to get Johnny at least a zillion votes.

And why do we want this for him, besides the ache in our hearts that no matter what, we know we can't make up for the Olympic judging but still we want to try? Because the more awards Johnny wins, the more opportunities--especially, we hope, skating opportunities--may come his way.

BREAKING NEWS ALERT: A Twitter search today revealed that we are facing stiff competition from #realityANDREW, #realityJUJUBEE, and #realityKHLOE, so we really need to step it up! Vote / tweet / rinse / repeat! And please also pimp this one out to everyone you know.

(3) Again from Johnny's Twitter: "Disco cleaning to @sergeylazarev [I LOVE that! Can't you just picture Johnny going all John Travolta on his Swiffer?]. The rest of the week is crazy! Sir Elton, Wendy Williams on Wednesday, ITNY Thursday, Kentucky Friday."

So from this tweet, we learn that we need to:

Drive each other crazy with speculation on what the "Sir Elton" part is all about. This is an important pastime whose happy cluelessness cannot be overemphasized.

UPDATE: New tweet from Johnny today: "Skating. So excited for BCRF gala tonight and seeing Sir Elton perform." Ah. OK. So he's going to the Breast Cancer Research Foundation Hot Pink Party tonight at the Waldorf Astoria in NYC. Cocktails at 7 p.m., dinnner at 7:45 p.m., and a special performance by Sir Elton at 9 p.m. So now we can speculate on whether he and Sir Elton will get to hang out afterward! And also applaud Johnny for supporting this worthy cause.

Watch him on Wendy Williams on Wednesday (and now I have to watch just for the sake of alliteration). Check your local listings, and be sure to set your DVR if you're not going to be home.

Try not to feel hopelessly envious of all those lucky souls who are going to see him skate at Ice Theatre of New York's season premier on Thursday. May I extend my very best wishes for a spectacularly sparkly time to all those attending! The Ice Theatre gets rave reviews, and the show should be simply amazing. For all you wallflowers like me who are missing this event, please join me on Johnny's Facebook page to chat wistfully and beg the attendees to hurry up and post their photos and videos already. And we can also show our support on Twitter for the Ice Theatre. It's been feeling a little lonely and unfollowed, so let's all 38,000 of us run right over there and click "Stalk" now!

♥ Scour the Internet on Friday and Saturday for photo-heavy press coverage of Johnny attending the Kentucky Derby, because I really, really have to see, from every conceivable angle, what he chooses to wear. And I am so hoping that there's some kind of awesomely large hat involved.

Finally:

Tips for the Twitter-challenged:
Twitter can seem awkward at first because you only see the tweets of people you follow. So if you follow Johnny, you see his tweets; but if he doesn't follow you (and no, he can't follow all 55,961 people who follow him because that's just a recipe for complete mental breakdown), he can't see your tweets to him. But he CAN see them if he does a search on twitter for "@JohnnyGWeir". (Note: if you click this link, give it a minute. You might get a screen first that says, "No results." Because by "real-time search results," Twitter means "kind of." But wait for it--it'll refresh and then you'll see them.) Then every tweet that is sent to him will show up, and he can browse through them and reply to any that he wants to. To use Twitter most effectively, you need to do the same thing. Run searches several times a day looking for your own Twitter name to make sure that you can see all the people who are tweeting back to you. You never know: One of them might be Johnny... :). 

OK! Thank God for Twitter, the must-have tool for today's professional pimps, which I believe makes us "Twimps." Although in the hands of restless kindergarteners, your results may vary. But at least we have these fun activities to keep us busy and the glitter glue out of Tara's hair while we wait for new projects. (Remember, Johnny's birthday is coming up July 2, and it's never too early to start planning something fanTAStic for him...).

Oh, and @BozWeir88: Two of the lemmings died of starvation waiting for you to feed us tweets. Please. Say something. ANYTHING. #realityWEIR


Special thanks to Johnny Weir Facebook fan
Gabriela Cabrales for her truly incredible collection
of skating macros on Facebook. OMG! If you haven't seen them,
you must go there RIGHT NOW and laugh yourself sick.

copyright 2010 / Binky and the Misfit Mimes / Lynn V. Ingogly / all rights reserved

Monday, April 26, 2010

Sing It With Me, People! "Dirty Love, Ooo Ooo, Dirty Love..."

For Johnny...
Once again, Facebook fan Lizzy Pine
comes to my rescue with art that is absolutely perfect.
Of course, it helps that her subject
is so fabulous to begin with... :)


Well. Ahem.

Let me adjust my tiara and my charming potato-sack dress. And carefully set my Starbucks down on my lovely new placemat.

All righty then. To recap:

So we were all milling around in Weirlandia last Friday, warmly exchanging photos and video links, and deeply engaged in a detailed discussion of exactly how Johnny could restyle his mullet with a peacock motif, when suddenly this cute little article popped up: "Johnny Weir Launches Music Career With His New Song 'Dirty Love.'"

And everybody froze for a moment.

And then we spent the rest of the day playing Opinion Dodgeball, which is like regular dodgeball only with scalpel-sharp poison-tipped spears instead of those weird red rubber balls that only seem to exist in endless supply at junior high schools, and the ever-increasing speed of the opinion volleys eventually resulted in a giant cloud of wankness that hung over Weirlandia like the residue of Chernobyl. Although--and let me stress this--it was NO ONE PARTICULAR PERSON'S fault. No one was labeled a wanker. But wankness ensued as a result of the collective lack of grace.

So then everybody crawled under their desks like we were in some Cold War drill from 1955, and we put on our gas masks and glanced furtively around and felt kind of--sick.

And then the carnival ride here shut down because dust from the cloud was getting into all the machinery and really making it impossible to maintain a normal atmosphere, which is to say one in which we all whirl around reading at breakneck speed and laughing till we puke.

It's pretty much over now, because the good people of Weirlandia are like that: Caring and forgiving toward one another, and very much united in our diversity and our deeply, deeply held love for Johnny Weir, the conductor of this Crazy Train from which none of us EVER want to disembark, especially when all of a sudden, if we listen closely, we can hear him happily singing in the lead car (he has a lovely tone and is even better when he's not nervous).

So just two small items to cover:

(1) One comment--which I believe has since been deleted--that really stopped me in my tracks during our dodgeball free-for-all was this: "I respected and admired him up until this point."

And I thought, "Really? THIS is what makes you stop respecting and admiring Johnny Weir? That's he's going to--oh dear God I can hardly say it--deep breaths--give me strength--that he's going to--um--SING?"

I mean, I could understand a loss of respect and admiration if he announced that he's actually in an open relationship with North Korea's Kim Jong-il, or that he's giving up skating to pursue his secret dream of being a suicide bomber, or that he honestly believes in the Mayan 2012 prophecy which is why he's signed on as Sarah Palin's campaign manager, or that he's been lying about his financial struggles because in reality he's the top guy in that worldwide human-trafficking ring headquartered in Russia.

But singing--just one little song--THAT's the admiration-killer? Wow.

Fortunately, Johnny expanded on my wow (which really sounds like an activity that should have been a LOT of fun, now that I reread that...) with this tweet. Which, though it may or may not have anything to do with the recent wankness in fandom, reminded me all over again why I love this man, and which inspired Lizzy's beautiful art in response.

And BTW: I plan to be the first in line (unless Lizzy accidentally tramples me in her haste to get there) to download Johnny's song from iTunes when it comes out so that I can promptly transfer it to a CD and blast it over and over again while the kids and I drive the Carmela car around town just so we can hear his voice on those speakers.

(2) Also wow: I was truly amazed at the number of people who reached out via e-mail, Facebook message, and IM to ask what I thought. Of course, I responded quickly and astutely with, "What? Who, me? You're asking me?" And then, after much interesting and overly passionate discussion, eventually I had to, of course, completely crack up. Because there is nothing more ridiculous than a whole big wad of people--MYSELF INCLUDED--all taking themselves way, WAY too seriously. So thank you all, I loved hearing from each and every one of you, and I love Weirlandia, even when we squeeze our collective buttcheeks a little too tightly and act like idiots.

And of course once Weirlandia righted itself, sort of like the Titanic actually making that turn and missing the iceberg, and my sense of humor turned up again in my front overall pocket where apparently I had forgotten it and so it went through the wash but remained intact though slightly more warped, I started humming a little tune to the beat that the words "Dirty Love" had been pounding in the back of my head the whole time.

And I thought about how adorable Johnny is when he sings; and how he mentioned in one episode of BGJW something about even though he's just this side of being an OCD neat freak, he loves hot, dirty, sweaty sex; and that really what I want after the single comes out is the VIDEO of him doing this song; and then that all got mixed together in the wash with that briefly misplaced sense of humor and out popped these Johnny-inspired lyrics to go with this .gif whose creator has my eternal thanks:


Chorus:
Dirty love
Ooo ooo dirty love
Hot, sweaty, dirty love
Let's get a little kinky
Should I grab my Slinky?
I really gotta have you
Dirty love

Verse 1:
Ooo, every time you're near me
No reason, babe, to fear me
Just because I'm always wearing
One red glove
And you know the only thing
That really makes me sing
Is the thing I'm dreaming of
Yeah, dirty love

Chorus:
Dirty love
Ooo ooo dirty love
Hot, sweaty, dirty love
I like it kinda kinky
But now you're kinda stinky
I really gotta clean you
Dirty love

Verse 2:
Ooo, once the party's ended
I am a bit offended
By the stains you always seem
To leave behind
Grab a wipe and help me out
That's what love is all about
The joy of cleaning up
From dirty love

Bridge:
Now we’re washing up above
The cabinets where I shoved
A brand-new double case
of Lemon Pledge
In the shower, scrub the tile
For just a little while,
Won't this lift you to the edge
of desire...?

Chorus:
Dirty love
Ooo ooo dirty love
Hot, sweaty, dirty love
I love the mess it makes
But then I get the shakes
I really gotta Swiffer
Dirty love

Rap portion with fade:
Oh, careful. Don’t step there.
Let me get that. Please move back.
You’re in the way. Are you going
to be like this all day?
Could you bring me the vacuum?
Thanks. Now leave the room.
Yeah, wait for me over there.
Maybe you should just go
and wash your hair...


Please keep voting for Johnny
as "Most Addictive Reality Star"
in the NewNowNext Awards! Vote here
(he's the last one listed in the fifth category--scroll down!)
or on Twitter by constantly tweeting #realityWEIR.
Voting ends June 4, which gives us plenty of time
to get Johnny oh, say, ONE MILLION votes!

"collective buttcheek(s) of Weirlandia" (c) 2010 Nicole Davis :)
copyright 2010 / Binky and the Misfit Mimes / Lynn V. Ingogly / all rights reserved

Saturday, April 24, 2010

Until Further Notice...


Due to extreme fan wankness overload.

If you have any questions, please feel free to leave a message.

I'll be enjoying myself immensely elsewhere
listening to all the Johnny Weir karaoke I can find,
creating special spring-themed placemats for my dining room
featuring his fabulous new look from the Glo.com party,
and counting down the days until I can download
his first single on iTunes.

If you need something to read in the meantime,
I recommend this.
Be sure to click on it again after it loads
to enlarge it for readability.

Now if you'll excuse me, there's
an unbelievably gorgeous, gifted, dark-haired,
ethereal yet down-to-earth,
always surprising, never boring,
and wickedly witty skater
waiting to sing to me...


Please keep voting for Johnny
as "Most Addictive Reality Star"
in the NewNowNext Awards! Vote here
(he's the last one listed in the fifth category--scroll down!)
or on Twitter by constantly tweeting #realityWEIR.
Voting ends June 4, which gives us plenty of time
to get Johnny oh, say, ONE MILLION votes!


copyright 2010 / Binky and the Misfit Mimes / Lynn V. Ingogly / all rights reserved

Friday, April 23, 2010

Oh Frabjous Friday Flight of Fancy: Ice Dreams Bromance


[whispering]
Hey Johnny, I just wanted to let you know
that I've been voting for you
to win "Most Addictive Reality Star."
I know, I know, you'd think I'd vote
for Heterosexual Orange Bro.
But he's just not, you know,
MANdarin enough for me.
Not like you--you diva bitch, you.
Plus, he wasn't actually,
um, nominated...
BTW: I LOVE Nobu 57!
Let's do lunch!
(But no orange kanten and cashew-berry
frozen cream for me, please.
Shudder.) 


Please keep voting for Johnny
as "Most Addictive Reality Star"
in the NewNowNext Awards! Vote here
(he's the last one listed in the fifth category--scroll down!)
or on Twitter by constantly tweeting #realityWEIR.
Voting ends June 4, which gives us plenty of time
to get Johnny oh, say, ONE MILLION votes!

photo credit: (c) 2010 Cuties Ice Dreams
copyright 2010 / Binky and the Misfit Mimes / Lynn V. Ingogly / all rights reserved

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Vote for Johnnik. He Is Real Man.



Pssssssssst... hey you.

Yessss, you.

Vat you doink here?

Who, us? Vat arrre ve doink? Uh ... ve zhust, uh, you know, hangink out. Yesss, rrrright here. Vhere no one see us.

Ve're fine. It rrrreally comfortable here, ecktually. Although Johnnik's knees goink to give out any minute frrrom hunch down to Galina's height.

Oh, all rrright. Eef you must know, ve trrryink avoid Stars on Ice people. Their show suckink big time. They need Johnnik could help them. But he too much man for them. But not mirrracle vorker, vhich they rrrreally need. Their choreography so terrrrible! And he vould never vearink bondage gear vhile he sssskate. It so not ... vhat is term I lookink for? Oh da. "Family frrriendly."

Anyvay. Shhhhhh. No tell anyone you see usss. Nyet!

And vhy you lurkink here, anyvay?

Shouldn't you be make self useful and votink for Johnnik as "Most Addictive Reality Star" in NewNowNext Avards? Vatever that is.

Go on. Ve zhust goink to be hidink out here for a vhile. Go tveet #realityWEIR few hundrrred times. And check to sssee if Bozik tveeted yet.

Now go! Don't make me get Viktor chase you avay.

Do svidaniya!*


Please remember to keep voting for Johnny
as "Most Addictive Reality Star" in the NewNowNext Awards!
Vote here or on Twitter by constantly tweeting #realityWEIR.
Voting ends June 4, which gives us plenty of time
to get Johnny oh, say, ONE MILLION votes!

*Goodbye! Or, until we meet (again).
copyright 2010 / Binky and the Misfit Mimes / Lynn V. Ingogly / all rights reserved

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Daily Planner

Oh, come on, you don't really want to go
to all those silly meetings today, do you?
Wouldn't you rather spend the day avec moi? :)


Today is WEDNESDAY, April 21.

Today's planned schedule:

8:30 a.m. Marketing meeting.

10:30 a.m. Review expenditures with Accounting.

12:15 p.m. Roundtable lunch meeting with supervisor and coworkers to review new procedures.

3:00 p.m. Department-wide training session.

5:45 p.m. Pick up dry cleaning, and something healthy for dinner.


Today's actual schedule:

6:00 a.m. Shut off alarm. Foggily contemplate sleeping in, then snap wide awake as you realize that if you GET UP NOW, you can steal 10 minutes before showering to see what was posted on Johnny Weir's Facebook page in the three hours since you last checked. Rub eyes furiously to try to get them to FOCUS.

6:02 a.m. Offer silent prayer of thanks that the kids are spending the week with their aunt, and husband is in San Diego until Saturday for that class thingy or whatever it was he said before he left.

6:05 a.m. Turn on computer; head to bathroom while Windows loads. Stupid slow computer.

6:10 a.m. Watch computer load Facebook and Twitter while brushing teeth over keyboard.

6:11 a.m. Damn. Wipe off keyboard.

6:15 a.m. Check Google for any news on when the Johnny Weir action figure will be released to save the world economy. Sigh. Nothing yet.

6:16 a.m. But oooooooo! Here's new picspam from ontd!

6:17 a.m. Begin reviewing picspam. Comment as needed.

7:15 a.m. Run Twitter searches for "@JohnnyGWeir," "johnnyweir," and "#realityweir" to see if he tweeted, who tweeted back to him, who tweeted about him, and if we're doing enough to get Johnny a million NewNowNext votes.

7:20 a.m. ReTweet as needed.

8:20 a.m. Check to see if Boz ever tweeted. Nope. Tweet a gentle reminder to him AGAIN. @BozWeir88: Hello. Boz. Thanks to your brother, you now have 684 lemming-like followers. PLEASE TWEET SOMETHING. We're dying here.

8:21 a.m. Realize that you're going to have to call in sick again* if you're going to keep up with what's really important.

8:22 a.m. Call in sick. Add a juicy, gurgling cough this time in between dry-heave noises. Be convincing.

8:25 a.m. Check Facebook page for new posts. Yay! There's a bunch!

8:26 a.m. Read new Facebook posts. Begin commenting as needed.

8:30 a.m. In between comments, respond to each new chat window from other Facebook fans as it opens.

10:05 a.m. Become aware that a lot of your posts read like this: "yeh Alilson i htink hE looooks so great in taht one tooo almost liek it batter then teh frist one."

10:10 a.m. Go downstairs and make coffee.

10:20 a.m. Return to your desk with coffee. Check Johnny's official site to see if he posted his new blog entry yet. Nope. Immediately post your findings to Facebook.

10:25 a.m. Refresh Johnny's Facebook page and check all notifications. Continue reading and commenting as needed.

1:30 p.m. Notice that even the dog has left the room because he thinks your aroma has gone from interesting to ... odd. The rather more discriminating cats disappeared days ago.

1:32 p.m. Realize that you have not, in fact, showered since before husband left for San Diego, whatever day that was. Or did he say Sandusky?

2:35 p.m. Tear yourself away to take a shower. Bribe yourself to complete this boring task by taking your son's boombox into the bathroom and playing Lady Gaga at full blast.

2:45 p.m. Bleed profusely. Note to self: Do not listen to "Just Dance" while shaving your legs.

3:15 p.m. Consider the relative merits of simply throwing your sweats back on and letting your hair air-dry. Pros: Big timesaver; gets you back in front of your computer pronto. Cons: But WWJGWD?

3:16 p.m. Blow dry and style hair.

3:36 p.m. Apply tinted moisturizer, mascara, blush, and lip gloss.

3:51 p.m. Get dressed in black leggings, black T-shirt, black jacket, sparkly headband, and full-on jewelry. Add shiny, pointy black boots. Feel fierce.

4:00 p.m. Get more coffee from downstairs and return to your desk.

4:05 p.m. Repeat Twitter searches. ReTweet all as needed.

4:50 p.m. Boz? Boz? Sigh.

4:55 p.m. Refresh Facebook page. Join in on the discussion of Glee! Another fabulous discovery thanks to Johnny Weir and the fact that his fans will do anything he says. Just ask Boz.

6:00 p.m. Hear strange rumbling noises and feel faint. Realize that the only thing you've ingested all day is the equivalent of twelve cups of coffee, though it only took two trips downstairs because you're using husband's giant economy-size travel mug (where is he, by the way? Shouldn't he be home for dinner? Oh wait...).

6:02 p.m. Smile because you're following Johnny's meal plan, the one without the meals.

6:03 p.m. Decide that as much as you truly admire Johnny's grit and dedication, you don't have what it takes to follow that plan right now. Head downstairs and load a small plate with whatever you can find that you can eat with one hand and doesn't require microwaving. 

6:10 p.m. Return to your desk with iced coffee, half a PopTart, and one Pizza Roll that you decided you could eat after it thaws so that you wouldn't have to waste any more time in the kitchen. Where there is no Internet.

6:11 p.m. Settle in front of the computer. ReTweet. Refresh. Rinse. Repeat.

2:00 a.m. Wake up to find that you've been facedesk again for the last hour. But oh look! Laura's still up! And ontd has more picspam! And Rachel found new sketches on Heterosexual Orange Bro! And Lizzy posted new art!

2:55 a.m. Feel all giggly and glitzy and aglow because you really, really love these people that you met through discovering Johnny Weir together. These are your people--crazy, creative, compassionate, and truly caring nut cases that you now couldn't imagine your life without, joining you on this journey you never expected to take.

2:57 a.m. Realize that when you close your eyes, tap your glittery heels together, and whisper, "There's no place like home," you kinda mean Weirlandia.

3:00 a.m. Go to bed, with dog and cats gathered around you now that they've finished sniffing you and found you to be satisfactory. Have sparkly special dreams of Weirlandia. And also of your kids and your husband, who you will be very happy to see when he comes back from ... Santo Domingo?


Please remember to keep voting for Johnny
as "Most Addictive Reality Star" in the NewNowNext Awards!
Vote here or on Twitter by constantly tweeting #realityWEIR.
Voting ends June 4, which gives us plenty of time
to get Johnny oh, say, ONE MILLION votes!

*Disclaimer: Of course I'm not really advocating calling in sick
and shirking actual responsibilities just because you have a desperate case
of Johnny Weir Fanitis. In the words of His Glitteriness:
Don't you know that? Are you stupid?
Special thanks to Johnny Weir Facebook fan Nicole Davis,
who provided the inspiration for this post. :)
copyright 2010 / Binky and the Misfit Mimes / Lynn V. Ingogly / all rights reserved