Friday, December 31, 2010

Random Year-End Musings and New Motto!

Mad Hatter Johnny at rehearsal December 30 in Moscow
with the lovely Masha as Alice!
Photo courtesy of the fabulous and charming Arthur Lookyanov,
Johnny's driver/guide while he's in Moscow.
Visit Arthur on Facebook or his website,
and follow him on Twitter!


(Random note #1: OMG can I just say that I love "Dirty Love"! [of course]. But beyond its fab retro '80s danceability groove, I love that the lyrics are very personal for Johnny. And I love love the "Arigato" and the chuckle at the end, for which I was completely unprepared when the full version hit his website and thus was startled into a little "squeee!" of joy the first time I heard it. Because it's like he's right there chuckling in your ear, with the hinted promise of snuffles to follow. [BRB listening again for the 398657820477th time ... ] And although there's been the inevitable trash-talking out there in the blogosphere about the song, there's been some blog love as well. I especially like the blurb from Scenestirz, who wrote: "This Is Everything and More: New music from figure skater, Johnny Weir, 'Dirty Love.' It's actually extremely catchy. He's doin' his thing. Can't hate on that." Exactly.)  

Kayso Johnny's in Russia which is nine hours ahead of me, a concept slightly more grasp-able for me than when he's in Australia or Japan, but he's still going to make it to the New Year way ahead of me which seems about right actually because at 26 he's way ahead of me in a lot of things.

For starters, he knows who he is—knows it, embraces it, inhabits it, believes in it, lives it, loves it, owns it.

It has taken me quite a bit longer to get to that place.

(Random note #2: Oh BTW this has been annoying me for days now: Yes, Johnny knows who he is, and so do I. Anyone who thinks I'm confusing him—or that he might confuse himself (AS IF. LOL)—with Jesus because of phrases like "Merry Weirmas" or "Sweet Weirsus" (a) clearly dropped their sense of humor into the Salvation Army kettle along with their dollar and (b) is just not paying attention to anything I've written. Of course he's not Jesus. But IMO he lives the Christian messages of love and truth more authentically than nearly everyone I've ever met in any church. And the profound irony of that is something I gaily appreciate every day.)

It's only in the past year that I have come to understand how much of my life I've spent mired in Fear-Based Living, starting when I was very very young—fear of ever being noticed, of sidling out of the shadows, of doing something that drew all eyes to me—because the consequences of sudden attention were nearly always very very bad.

Being invisible was much safer.

And then long periods of fear-based churchianity—fear that demanded that I conform and stay in the box and keep the doors shut and the shades drawn and all outsiders, well, outside, of course (whilst we inside condemn them sourly amongst ourselves), and also that I continue to be invisible at all costs so that if people happened to look at me, they would see God, not me. (Not ever realizing what a perversion of the message that is—that striving for invisibility is to deny the uniquely beautiful person I was created to be, from whom light can radiate only if I am fully and completely myself. Otherwise, I'm just kind of a dull, dim flashlight whose battery is dying and who can't really illuminate anything for anybody.)

And also the paralyzing fear of having a voice, of speaking up, of being heard, and of choosing for myself. (More irony: I was confessing to NinjaGirl the other day that I was afraid to choose to blog about being afraid to speak up for fear that I didn't really have anything worthwhile to say about it. How sad is that?)

What a harsh and unforgiving way to live.

And wow. How much I don't want to do that anymore.

(Random note #3: A bunch of people have asked me where the name "Binky and the Misfit Mimes" comes from. "Binky" was my husband's nickname for me since before we were married, as a way of preventing me from taking myself too seriously because really, how seriously can anyone take you when your name is Binky? The "Misfit Mimes" part was coined by my daughter, and describes how we felt during our long overstay in churchianity: Complete misfits who were miming what was going on around us—mouthing the words, making the hollow gestures, smiling the plastic smiles, trying to absorb the smug unwritten prejudices—but who were really just not able to buy into it. Believe me, we tried. What an enormous relief it was to finally give up and admit to each other: "Wow. I just don't get it. Wait, you don't either? Oh, thank God. Can we stop now?")

So about a year ago the God of my heart said, "Yes, please stop that. And pay attention. I have something to show you."

And here we are.

So.

Over these past months, thanks to my endless fascination with Johnny and the whole new world that has opened to me as a result, I have rediscovered something buried deep within me beneath the fear.

It's always been there, burning white-hot, enabling me to burst out of my life at certain crucial moments: to defy my dad; to leave an abusive partner; to confront my parents; to willingly give everything I have, without hesitation, so I could mother my children with unbridled ferocity and very much outside the box so that they can be who they are.

It empowers me to be my best self, fully me, and to embrace who I am—inhabit it, believe in it, live it, love it, own it—and be the fiery fierce bitch I was meant to be.

It's love.

Welcome to Binky 2.011. Home of Love-Based Living. (Motto: More Weir, Less Fear.)

I can't wait to see what the New Year holds for Johnny, and for all of us who are inspired by his blazingly fearless example of love that lives out loud.

Whatever happens, I know for sure, with all the love in my fierce-bitch heart:

We're all going to be doin' our thing. Can't hate on that.

And it's going to be AMAZING.

Happy New Weir!



Special thanks to Irina--"MsLys26" on YouTube--for this
wonderful moment!


Designer T. Rains and Johnny have teamed up to raise money and awareness for The Trevor Project! This organization is "determined to end suicide among LGBTQ youth by providing life-saving and life-affirming resources." Proceeds from the "Army of One" t-shirt sales will go to The Trevor Project foundation. Order yours today! Your support is greatly appreciated!
For more information, please visit www.thetrevorproject.org.





Yes! You can own a fine art print of Johnny
perfect for any/every room in the house!
Prints of artist Peter Jurik's "Showtime!"
are available for purchase from his website.
More info here!

Special thanks to Mel Lockhart for the phrases,
"Happy New Weir" and "JohnnyWeir 11, 2011."
You rock, Mel!

Here it comes: Johnny's quarter-century memoir,
Welcome to My World, will be available
January 11, 2011--(WeirDate: JohnnyWeir 11, 2011)!
You can preorder it now from multiple sites!
Or preorder a special autographed Collector's Edition
from Premiere Collectibles!

Please remember to
register to receive
the JW Art Project's email newsletter!
They have great tidbits to offer,
and you get a special sneak peek at an exclusive photo
from the Artbook when you sign up!

copyright 2010 / Binky and the Misfit Mimes / Lynn V. Ingogly / all rights reserved

15 comments:

germansoulmate said...

Thank you, Binky. What a great post.

May the coming year bring more "... and to embrace who I am--inhabit it, believe in it, live it, love it, own it--and be the fiery fierce bitch I was meant to be" and a lot more of "More Weir, Less Fear".

You are right, Johnny isn´t Jesus, and whoever did misinterpret you (although I think of a certain person whose true humor has been lost somewhere along the way)has to take a closer look, especially at his/her own perception of the world around him/her.

Happy New Year, Binky...and Happy New Year to you, Johnny.

Vicky said...

This moved me to tears - not really sure why. I almost never comment on your blog but I've loved reading all your posts this year. You always seem to find a way of using words to their best effect, making your point with humour and sincerity and grace. Thank you for sharing and my very best wishes for 2011.

Debora Walsh said...

Again you brought me to tears and to laughter in the space of a few paragraphs!

Here's to a new year filled with health, happiness and success. Let's all be the fabulous creatures that we were born to be. Let's work to turn war and hatred, in all its guises, off and let's get our groove on...we have a soundtrack now!

More Weir, less fear....Amen, sister!

akiko said...

In Japan, a new year starts in 55 minutes. All the temples are going to ring their bells for 108 times with intervals within this year. The sound of a bell is rather feeble and you can't hear unless you are listening (or unless you live near a temple). 108 stands for the number of our desires, and the bells will remove them in the last hour of the year before a new one comes. In my case, in this year, 98 or 99 out of 108 various desires is concerning Johnny. In the next year, I'm sure to have as many desires for Johnny as this year, and I'm looking forward to sharing them with Weirlandians. Binky, you're right as always. Whatever happens next year, it must be amazing and full of love.

Happy New Weir, Binky Misfit Mimes!!
Thank you so much again for all you have done for Johnny and all of us.
Happy New Weir to all!!

crazycolorist said...

It was either in April or May that I first discovered Johnny on my television. If I recall correctly, it was the scene in BGJW where he was picking up his luggage with The Haus of Weir and commenting on his Aunt Diane’s crockpot weight suitcase. I remember the green scarf first (being a clothes hound myself) and then those big green eyes then finding my life changed completely in about five minutes. Well, maybe it was ten. Either way it was fast and it was a 180.

Within hours I found Misfit’s blog (and thank you for the explanation, I’ve always wondered about the Binks) then by June I had the privilege of seeing him skate in person and had a few unguarded moments to tell him how very beautiful he was, much to his protestations. If any of you have the opportunity to stand in his general vicinity, go, please, for your own good. There’s truly nothing like seeing him skate and also having him look at you with a kind of intensity you will never experience again. It feels like he’s rifling around in the back of your brain, scooting furniture out of the way so that he can move in. And he does too. His pretty swirling signature is indelibly etched on your heart for as long as you’ll have him.

Before he branded me, I was also living a fear based life, only, I didn’t even realize it was happening. I was living day to day with no plans, no ambition, no drive, and no passion. That moment when you are able to look back in shock and say to yourself, “My God, how have I been living this way?” is both beautiful and heartbreaking. All the time lost, the moments you let slip through your fingers because you were too timid to take life by the throat and demand your place and your right to live a full life. Opportunities untaken, friendships lost, plodding day after day to a horizon that leads no where. Those days are dark, but they are, blessedly, behind us. And there in is the beauty. Without those endless hours of mediocrity would we see the chance to live free with the same light? And when that light finally shines down and our poor atrophied eyes adjust will you be ready to take that leap out of the darkness and into something more?

I have started living my life. I have set my sights higher than I ever could have dreamed. Because I had never had a dream before. I have friendships I will cherish and hold for the rest of my life. I have love in those bonds that I work on every day and it is a true labor of love. My life is better now, because I can say with absolute confidence that I now HAVE a life. I have goals. And it won’t be easy, but the struggle will make the success that I know I will have all the sweeter.

In only a few hours we will start a new year. We will all start it together. Friends joined in a unique bond that none of us ever saw coming. This has been the greatest year of my life. I know that as wonderful as it has been, it’s only the beginning. For the first time I am facing a new year with my eyes wide open, my heart filled with joy and love, and a kick ass attitude.

I’ll say it again and again because it does bear repeating: Thank you Johnny Weir for being you. Thank you Binky for being you and the amazing you you are now becoming. I’m incredibly and constantly proud of you both. You are my inspirations, or inspiwation as Johnny would say. Thank you, a thousand times, thank you.

-Ninja Girl

julie98 said...

Tears and laughter here as well.

Misfit: I cannot relate to what you went through. As you know, I am Jewish, my grandparents were Communists and my parents are left-winged, atheists. So although Johnny brought a whole new light to my life, I was not enlightened by him. But I have always been a sucker for people who speak up for what's right and stand up for other people. Put talent, beauty, humor and wit in the mix and there you have it.

I find your story fascinating. I am heartened that there are people who can transform from a dark, closed-off place to a brighter, open-minded place. It gives me hope. I discovered Johnny almost a year ago, January 2010. Watching BGJW, my heart was struck with an arrow and I could not get him off my brain. He literally stole my heart. I found your blog soon after. As I trolled the internet for anything relating to him. You were a godsend for me. Because before discovering our FB community, I found you; another person who described in perfection how I was feeling. I didn't feel so alone or crazy in my love for him.

Although Johnny has not changed the way I think about the world, he has certainly changed my life. I have a whole new community of friends who I adore and who understand this crazy love we all share for this one man. That... and going on crazy wild goose chases whenever he is within driving distance of me.

My acupuncturist, who now loves Johnny too thanks to me, is using him as an example for me as she gives me pep talks to help me move forward in my path to being healed ("how many times has he fallen and gotten back up again?"); so I guess he is now a role model for me too.

Happy New Year!!!

ooxx

Atomic Wife

brightondogwood said...

Great blog again, Binky, and I am in tears too, and I don’t really understand why! I understand and feel so many of the same things that you write but I don’t “get” why it affects me so deeply because I don’t feel like I’ve been oppressed or unable to live a “real” life in any way. I think I was basically pretty happy before I ever heard of Johnny so I don’t know why I feel so touched to hear how he has changed so many people’s lives…and I don’t know why he has become SUCH a fascination for me.
Just last night my husband and I had dinner with a couple of really good friends and of course they have been hearing about Johnny incessantly for months now but they really got kinda concerned when I went to see him in Flint, LOL! Lesa asks me, “What IS it about him that has you so fascinated? Yeah, he’s a good skater, but…” And all I could come up with is his attitude which I described as “Be unique, don’t be labeled, be proud of who you are…” and she said, “But how is he different than a lot of other people with that same attitude?”
Lady Gaga for example (who she went to see in concert recently and absolutely loved it) is much the same but I don’t feel compelled to follow her every move. I went on to say I think the “connectedness” we all get through Twitter, Facebook, this blog and the way Johnny uses the online media to reach out to his fans on a daily basis has a lot to do with it as well. So in the end I had to admit that Yes, I am completely obsessed, can’t argue with that, but I am holding down a good job, I take care of my kids, my husband and the house, get regular exercise and have a decent “real” social life…so since this Johnny-love makes me so happy I feel no need to “fix” it. As long as everything stays on track I think I am safe from them trying to drag me off into some kind of rehab! (cont’d)

brightondogwood said...

(part 2)
Last week at work I had a meeting with 2 co-workers who (since we didn’t have any work related topics to discuss) let me show them Johnny vids for an hour, ‘cause they were kind of curious what all the fuss was about. I played BGJW Oly episode, his SP and FS from Vancouver, PF, BR and some of the Jeanne Beker interview and a little Best of Viacheslav. In the end they thanked me several times and said they could understand better why I liked him so much. One of the ladies is a very socially conservative with a rural-churchy upbringing and I really didn’t think she would be receptive so I was very surprised at the positive response!
So I guess all I can say is that I am VERY much looking forward to a Happy New Weir with LOTS of Johnny and my fellow Johnny-obsessives, and I will keep trying to explain and spread the Johnny-love, and hopefully gain more understanding of what it all means to me in the process as well!
-Kat

Nico said...

Mama,

Much love always. xoxo

Endless gratitude (and miss you like mad).
Neeks

bsontwit said...

Binky

I love you bb and I love this blog so much!! I am so on board with this new way of living, hoping I can get it half as much as you have...ignore the idiots and pass the fear-removing kool-aide please!!! Happy New Year!!! ♥♥♥


Beth

julief8486 said...

Binky - I have such a similar story that it's almost eerie . . . congratulations on all that you've conquered and accomplished. You are an inspiration, like Johnny is, to me. I've especially enjoyed reading the comments to today's blog; thanks to all of you for your camaraderie!

And to Katrina, I've also been without words in trying to explain my Johnny-love. I finally realized that the best explanation is that for me, his skating and his life exemplify the definition of ART: "the quality, production, expression, or realm, according to aesthetic principles, of what is beautiful, appealing, or of more than ordinary significance." I am always moved to a joyful and spiritual place.

aaaack said...

Eyes moistening and nodding. Amen, Binky, amen.

About 40 decades ago, I had a born-again experience in the direction 180 degrees from churchianity. Which was both freeing but also an awful lot of hard work because then one had to draw up a coherent ethics and value system from scratch. Plus, with no deus ex machina to lean on, humankind also is left on its own with regards to shouldering responsibility for justice and not mucking up the Planet.

It would be so much easier if the sun rotated around the earth and there were no fossils or subatomic particles or black holes, etc., and if 25 Jesus clones were born at the same time to spread the same message across the Earth. Like any other kind of loss, there's shock, denial, anger, bargaining, and acceptance.

Johnny is both a muse and a bit of an archetype/paradigm by having such a lot of style, self-knowledege, expression, and heart. Monroe, Lennon, Socrates, Gandhi, Mozart, Beethoven...all fit into my definition of archetypes in their ability to dramatically express and communicate ideas or emotions.

Happy New Year, Binky, Mimes, Johnny, fellow fans, and all! You all number among my many blessings.

Annie said...

Wow...

I was sooo moved by your entry today. Your sharing so much of yourself touched my heart. Again, you show what an amazing woman you are.

Happy New Year, Lynn. I am looking forward to 2011 being filled with love and laughter. I know Johnny will add his share and you will continue to add your fabulous perspective.

Thank you for all the fun in 2010. I know 2011 will be FABULOUS!

Big hugs.

WheresMyKoppy said...

Thank you so much for the wonderful Blog MM! You have done a wonderful and beautiful job of explaining your own transformation and how Johnny has affected you. I don't think mine was nearly as dramatic (and I'm much better at talking about other people for the most part anyway); and I have been a fan of his for around six years now. Although in the past year or so since I have gotten to know you and so many other JOhnny Weir fans so much better I have come to understand so much better just how deeply this talented, beautiful, intelligent and caring young man has affected so many people so deeply. I couldn't explain six years ago why I became so deeply attached to Johnny Weir, especially since he is so dramatically different from Brian Boitano, who I had also been so deeply attached to. I'm not even sure I can explain it now, other than well he is...well he is...Johnny. So thank you so much for explaining it so beautifully how he affects/affected you!

And I have to say, you have an extraordinary family! Both of your children are exceptional, and you and your husband aren't so bad either, lol!

398657820477th? Really? LOL! 398,657,820,477 - that's 398 billion, 657 million 820 thousand 477! That's a lot of times, hee, hee!

Daleth Hall said...

Wow, Binky. My hat is off to you. And specifically, the hat that is off to you is the big swirly lavender straw hat I wear in summertime, which all the elderly Russian and African-American ladies I meet on the bus just love, and which made a colleague of mine ask, "Where are you going in that, the Kentucky Derby?"

You SAID it! Man, did you say it! Yay.