Thursday, October 14, 2010

Medicine, Mega-Win in Leather Leggings, and Mashable Awards!

Wow. You take like a five-minute break from the Weirlwind to have a Starbucks venti dark cherry mocha yes with whip because you feel fat anyway so what the hell and to contemplate the abyss that is your life when you're feeling especially dramatic, and wham! So much happens so fast that catching up is like trying to jump back onto a speeding train while your Ambien is kicking in ...

Shake it off, Binky. Shake it off. You can do this.

OK, let's begin with this fabulous après-Skate from the Heart photo posted on, of all places, the public Facebook page for Cold-EEZE. Which I didn't evan know they had one. And I would have missed it entirely had it not been for sharp-eyed Jenn Kittler, the super-talented creator of so many of the Johnny posters that showed up at ATSLA and SFTH. Both photo and caption are wonderful:

"I spent the weekend in Youngstown, Ohio,
sponsoring a spectacular ice-skating show.
Many of the best skaters were there, including Johnny Weir.
He stole the show with his incredible showmanship.
Tons of fans held up signs for him.
[yay Jenn! And Deb Walsh!]
He was nice enough to hang out with me
and my 8-year-old son, Brett.
I’m always impressed with people who are
truly themselves: Andre Agassi, Muhammad Ali,
Howard Stern, Charles Barkley,
and now I’m adding Johnny Weir to that list."
 -- Ted Karkus, CEO ProPhase Labs (Makers of Cold-EEZE).

So two things: (1) Please go here and "Like" the Cold-EEZE page right now cuz it'd be way cool if by the end of today they had like 40,000 new fans to add to their current 768. Plus I love their product, and Johnny should probably never travel without it.

Which brings me to (2) Clearly this is an endorsement waiting to happen, a perfect marriage of person and product (it could only be better if it came with a tiny travel-size Pledge as a bonus). We can already imagine the commercial ...

[Scene: Johnny's apartment. A paler-than-usual Johnny is flat on his back in bed, under mountains of covers, with furs and stuffed animals tucked all around him. He's clutching Ping, of course.]

[Cue background music: The impassioned, heartbreaking strains of Dima Bilan's "Tоскa", or "Toska," meaning melancholy, depression, boredom, ennui, weariness.]

[Johnny sniffles loudly.]

Johnny: "When I'b under the webber ... I like to cuddle wib Ping and Cold-EEZE."

[Tara wanders into the room, clad in a tatty terry robe, hair in rollers, the handle of a glue gun peeking out from her robe pocket. BlackBerry in one hand, she's simultaneously texting while conversing on her cell phone, which is cradled precariously between her ear and her shoulder.]

Johnny: "Tara, could you please gib me my hankie and bring me my Cold-EEZE?"

Tara nods. (Into phone): "Yes! Book him!"

[She wanders out.]

Johnny lifts himself up onto his elbows and yells hoarsely: "Pa-wis! PA-WIS! Gib me my hankie! And my Cold-EEZE!"

[Paris pokes his head in through the doorway.]

Paris: "No."

[He leaves.]

Johnny: "Dammit Pa-wis, you bitch."

[He glares around the room.]

"I cannot vaccumb when I'm sick. Cold-EEZE lets me clean sooner, faster, better [-sneeze!-] oh God I'm dying ..."

[He collapses back onto his pillows and moans.]

[Galina enters briskly, bearing a glassful of purplish liquid.]

Galina (commandingly): "Zhonnik, you must drrrrink. Pomegrrrranate juice. It is currrre for everrrrything. Drrrrink!"

[She sets the glass down firmly, swivels miltary-like on her heel, and marches back out of the room.]

[Johnny eyes the glass with irritation.]

Johnny (muttering): "I don't like it when they use ice cubes. I like crushed ice better. And real juice, not any of that low-sodium crap ... "

[Tara wanders in again, now with both her BlackBerry and a Starbucks in a one-handed death grip while still talking on the phone. Johnny looks at her pleadingly.]

Tara (smiling at Johnny): "Yes! Book him!"

[She leaves.]

Johnny (yelling): "Can you bitches not boil me a chicken?! I want my mama ... and some Cold-EEZE!"

[He flings himself back onto his pillows again. His lower lip pouts, then starts to tremble.]

[Music swells. Enter Patti and Boz.]

Johnny: "Oh Mama. I'b all sickly! And I'b SO FAT."

Patti (soothingly): "Here, honey. I brought your Cold-EEZE. It's a good thing your symptoms just started yesterday." [She sits down next to him on the bed and speaks brightly to no one in particular.] "For best results, Cold-EEZE treatment should be started within 24-48 hours of the start of a cold and used daily until all symptoms resolve. The earlier, the better."

[She turns back to Johnny, who is silently exchanging odd looks with Boz.]

Patti: "But remember, don't take Cold-EEZE on an empty stomach. PARIS! WHERE'S THAT CHICKEN? And avoid citrus fruits and juices as well as other products containing citric acid one half-hour before and after taking Cold-EEZE lozenges, as these may diminish product effectiveness." [She glares at the pomegranate juice, then hands it to Boz, who darts another look at Johnny. He shrugs, and Boz wordessly leaves to pour the juice down the drain.]

[Patti puts her arm around Johnny's shoulders.]

Patti (with excitement): "Cold-EEZE. Clinically proven to shorten colds by nearly half!"

[Tara re-enters, still on the phone. Eric Alt is fluffing her hair while Joey Camasta applies her blush. They are trailed noiselessly by Boz. And Dima Bilan.]

Johnny (holds up product box): "Cold-EEZE! Dew look! Gread new tasde! Sabe powerful forbula!" [Patti ruffles his hair.] "Thank you, Mama." [He snuggles Ping closer and falls asleep.]

[Music switches to Dima Bilan's "Safety." Patti stands and joins the rest for a group dance number while Dima sings and Boz performs a b-boy routine.]

"Cold-EEZE ... I'll be your Cold-EEZE ... "

(Note: All product information courtesy of Cold-EEZE).

And then there's this:

Johnny attended the "FFANY Shoes on Sale"
Benefit for Breast Cancer Research and Education
 presented by QVC at Frederick P. Rose Hall,
Jazz at Lincoln Center last night in NYC.
More photos here

Oh, and one other thing! Johnny has been nominated in the Fourth Annual Mashable Awards' "Must-Follow Personality" category! Thanks to the equally sharp-eyed Wendy Stevens for this one!

You can nominate Johnny--which is essentially the same thing as voting--once a day until Monday, November 29, 2010. Please use his Twitter name--@JohnnyGWeir--when nominating. The top five nominees in each category will advance to the finalists' round beginning December 1, 2010. Let's nominate Johnny right into first place!

Yes! You can own a fine art print of Johnny
perfect for any/every room in the house!
Prints of artist Peter Jurik's "Showtime!"
are available for purchase from his website.
More info here!

Johnny is skating at the
ITNY 25th Anniversary Gala Benefit and Performance
honoring Olympic Champion Dorothy Hamill
on Monday, October 25!
Buy tickets here; more info here!

Please remember to register to receive
the JW Art Project's email newsletter!
They have great tidbits to offer,
and you get a special sneak peek at an exclusive photo
from the Artbook when you sign up!

Special holiday offer!
In exchange for a donation to Toys for Tots,
Trish Aaron-Misiura will send you one handmade,
Johnny-inspired Christmas ornament! More info here!

Very special thanks to Ninja Girl
and my own NicoFierce
once again for their invaluable help
with this post!

Coming up: The final series
of translated interviews from the Mook Book
courtesy of the fabulous Akiko Nakata!

copyright 2010 / Binky and the Misfit Mimes / Lynn V. Ingogly / all rights reserved


germansoulmate said...

Oh, Binky, you are completely ON again. I just laughed my ass off and will now tweet this entry to ColdEEZE or however that is called. You should venture to writing scripts for commercials. Now.

Thanks for the very loud laugh.

WheresMyKoppy said...

Great Blog! I love your sense of humor! The Cold-EEZE commercial thing was hilarious! Subtle digs at NYMag? I like that this man Ted Karkus of Cold-EEZE was impressed with Johnny for the right reasons and not afraid to say so!

Anonymous said...

Good job to Jenn and to Wendy!
and MM, funny commercial, so descriptive!

and I really do love those "Cinderella" shoe love


jenn said...

Thanks for props on the signs Binx, but let's be real: I could make all the signs in the world, but your getting the word out and Deb Walsh's help getting the actual signs out made it the success it was.

In addition to the Johnny-love on their FB page, the folks at Cold-EEZE tweeted a list of people they respect, including our own JWe. I think that deserves some retweeting.!/coldeeze/statuses/27264349261

aaaack said...

Soooo funny.

The nerdy skeptic within me found some studies on the main active ingredient, zinc glyconate. Citations include and Flying colors. I'm putting Cold-EEZE on my shopping list.

PaulieGirl said...

You really are back! Love it!

aaaack said...

By the way, comments page 8 of the Toska song contains a translation.

Anonymous said...

I don't ever get tired of hearing about people falling in love with Johnny. So, thanks Ted Karkus! And Jenn for finding it!

And Johnny is making me want to buy some shoooooes!! Please stop that, I don't need the help. (But ODG, can we talk about how awesome he looked last night?)