Sunday, August 8, 2010

Oh. I See He Decided to Go With Multi-Part Option D ...

... that being:

(1) Obfuscate with a lot of hoo-ha about a fake Twitter account.

(2) Forget to delete the offending tweet from your VERIFIED Twitter account while trying to distract people by directing them to the fake Twitter account.

(3) Announce that "I post my tweets at / EvanLysacek/ only." Yes. We know. That's where we saw the ugly tweet that you posted to begin with. Because, as you say, that's YOUR verified account, and only YOU post there.

(4) Realize that everybody already knows the tweets came from your verified Twitter account (see step 3) and that hundreds--maybe thousands--of people have already screen-capped every square inch of that verified account with the offending tweet posted on it (that YOU sent from YOUR iPhone), and have been busily plastering those screen caps all over the Internet.

(5) Accept that the fake-Twitter-account story isn't working. Frantically rack your brain to come up with something else.

(6) Lie. Because that's befitting an Olympic champion.

(7) Go with the standard default backup lie, which is to wave your arms in the air and shriek, "My Twitter account has been hacked!" Desperately hope that saying those words will somehow make them true and maybe people will believe you and not let the facts and yet more screen caps get in the way.

(8) Finally remember to go delete the Tweet of Death that started this whole career-consuming tornado. Plus every tweet you've tweeted for like the last four months. Because that makes the "I've been hacked!" lie more believable. Well, to you, maybe.

(9) Whine that this is ruining your vacation in the Hamptons. Which is certainly guaranteed to enhance the public's perception of you.

(10) Secretly wish you had gone with the "Sorry. I was drunk-tweeting on a Friday night" defense, deleted the tweet, and just let it go at that. Wonder WTF you're paying these PR people for anyway.

Another blogger has done an absolutely brilliant job of chronicling this whole debacle--timeline, screen caps, and all ("Olympic Gold Medalist Shows His True Colors," by Gender Test THIS). I highly recommend reading the entry and the comments. Bottom line: Evan. Hello. You're not fooling anyone but yourself. Want me to screen cap that for you?

Because Gender Test THIS has covered this hot mess so well, I am now free to explore the story using a different approach.

And so may I present for your enjoyment, inspired by Johnny's recent trip to Japan and the JW Art Project:

Orange Sunset: A Haiku in Three Acts.

a single tweet falls
dapper mongoose epic flail
orange is the new stupid

Man up which you don't
evan know what that is "hacked"
isn't it (this is)

so tweetly fragrant
mongoose stew in the crockpot
for Daddy and Ping

NOTE: For safety's sake, I've removed some of the links
that were originally in this post. My computer got hit
with a virus, and I don't want to spread it to anyone else!
The links remaining have tested out to be safe.

Hey! You can enter to win a virtual styling session
with Johnny and a $500 shopping spree
Just submit a photo of the most
outrageous item in your closet!
Johnny will be choosing the winner in 13 days!
More info here!

Special thanks to fans Jessica Lane for her help
with the haiku, to Lauren Ashbaugh for help with screen caps,
and to Robin Fosdick for "orange is the new stupid."

Coming soon: The series
of translated interviews from the Mook Book
courtesy of the fabulous Akiko Nakata!

copyright 2010 / Binky and the Misfit Mimes / Lynn V. Ingogly / all rights reserved


germansoulmate said...

Look at the bottom of the first paragraph. I think it will be deleted again but it´s backed up.

Anonymous said...

The truth is generally very simple,because there is only one truth to tell. But when people choose to lie, it gets very complicated.
Doesn't it Evan?


akiko said...

Binky, the haiku in three acts is glitteringly funny! Thank you!

DQ said...

Binky, thanks again for a wonderful blog and also for keeping the discussion here rather than on the glitter-pages. Also, nr. 9 is so, so true--and only a privileged ignoramus would not recognize that.

FYI: I sent the Gendertest THIS article to my GBF, who is very active in several LGBT forums, and asked him to pass it on. Least I can do.

germansoulmate: it's still there, as it should be!


DQ said...

It's out in the media now. Can't stand Perez Hilton, but someone's got to do it!

Anonymous said...

Evan's hacker chose
to tweet once about Johnny
then just left? Really?

--Nancy K

Beth - (twitter-bsontwit) said...

Team Johnny! the best figure skater ever!
and someone I admire - ♥♥♥

btw-love patti's tweet


Krystal said...

I'm all for Team Ferret. Johnny G. looks better in fur anyway. Evan is such a closet case.

Beth (twitter-bsontwit) said...

my latest tweet-

BSonTwit @pattimooreweir I love, admire and support @johnnygweir always! the fantastic, beautiful, incredibly talented REAL man that he is ♥♥

a feeling i am sure a lot of us share.

Beth (twitter-bsontwit)

Anonymous said...

"dapper is as dapper does and dapper doesn't know how to handle a PR crisis"

bwa hahahaha!

there's lots of other things dapper doesn't know how to do, but i'll take the high road and not make an endless list here.

sigh . . . the comment box isn't big enough anyway!

love the haiku!

sorry to hear your computer's got the dapper. *snicker*

Robin aka Princess Johnny-Love

aaaack said...

Am astounded at how clumsily Evan and his handlers dealt with that whole episode. Diametrically opposite of the grace with which Johnny single-handedly answered his Montreal detractors.

Evan might be very tall on the outside but comes up short on the inside. He's graceful on ice but a clutz-bomb with words.

WheresMyKoppy said...

Binky, somehow I missed this! I'm sure you posted it after I got off yesterday, and I meant to check today when I got on to see if you had written a new Blog and believe it or not I forgot! I just now checked and here it was!

Great job as usual! I hope the virus didn't cause you too much trouble! I had one years ago that destroyed 32 important files, and I had to get an entirely new version of Windows! Ugh!

Anyway, I have to go with 'aaaack' above; I am also astounded at how clumsily Evan and his PR people handled this whole thing. Definitely diametrically opposite of how Johnny single-handedly answered those moronic Quebec announcers with no support from his Federation and without even any crib notes!

I am also thrilled with how he has handled this little Evan PR disaster by basically saying nothing, acting like a gentleman and allowing Evan and his people to dig Evan an ever deeper hole...

It amazes me how badly they handled this when quick and proper action could have made him look like an much smaller idiot...