Thursday, July 1, 2010

Planet Weir. Which Explains a Lot, Actually

Johnny the-"G"-Stands-for-"Galactic" Weir
His lifetime mission: To explode old, outdated gender boundaries;
to strut out in celebration of new life and new challenges;
to boldly go where no man has gone before...

So just in case you missed the intergalactic explosion of glitter last night: Johnny's Russian fans have outdone themselves and everyone else pretty much for all time with a gift to him that was announced "on the eve of his birth."

They gave him a planet.

Which, as birthday presents go, has set a new ├╝ber-stan/dard that I believe even the Koreans may be unable to match. Because wow. Seriously. A planet.

And yes, to answer the question that everybody asked as they SQUEEING AND FLAILING SHAKING AND CRYING tried to grasp the concept: It's official. It's got official written all over it. Literally.

So technically it's a minor planet/asteroid, according to the official NASA Small-Body Database Browser (I am not making this up, but I am wondering if NASA's technology people could use some help in creating a new naming protocol for their databases that does not inspire inappropriate visuals in the back of one's mind about browsing anyone's body in particular, small or otherwise, while one is trying valiantly to hack through a dense overgrowth of technical information ...).

And its official name is 12413 Johnnyweir (1995 SQ29) / Alternate Designation: 1995 SQ29 = 2141 T-1. Which is catchy but you can't really dance to it. And of course is just the official scientific-gobbledy-gook way of saying: Happy Birthday, Johnny! Here, have a planet!

This official celestial body [insert an endless happy stream of comments about Johnny that include the phrases "heavenly body" and "celestial body" here] was officially discovered in the asteroid belt between Mars and Jupiter on September 26, 1995, by Timur V. Kryachko at the Engelhardt Observatory, Zelenchukskaya Station. See the official list of "Discovery Circumstances: Numbered Minor Planets (10001)-(15000)" (scroll down to number 12413).

"It must be something about this planet's
sparkly atmosphere--he broke out into feathers,
started moulting phallic snakes, then turned
a hideous shade of orange--
but I'm a doctor, dammit, not an aesthetician ... !"

It was actually officially named in Johnny's honor, at the suggestion of his Russian fans, in March of this year, but was kept quiet until now in order to surprise him with this gift whose squee level is literally of astronomical proportions.

Here's the official certificate signed by Nobel laureate Jaures Alferov and by Andrei Finkelstein, director of the Institute of Applied Astronomy Russian Academy of Science, where the certificate was issued.

(click for larger view)

And here is the official awesomely epic video made by the Russian fans to commemorate the gift and wish Johnny a happy birthday:

I love this video. It's well-produced and wonderfully overdramatic up until this part--and I know it's silly but I actually get teary-eyed every time when the music changes and we see:

Because it's just such a beautiful gesture on the part of his Russian fans.

And it's really the perfect gift, as summed up so well in these tweets by alert Facebook fans Karen Weeks and Lauren Ashbaugh:

designsbykaren @JohnnyGWeir is not only a star, he's also a planet! Congrats Johnny :)

blackren101 He is a planet - we all revolve around him ....

Facebook fan Gail Turley also has a great write-up on her blog.

And finally, of course, there is the official macro from the fine folks at ontd_skating:

Now please excuse me while I go e-mail all this to the USFSA, the USOC, and the ISU, with a special asteroid-sized FU attached ...

Yes! Johnny's birthday is TOMORROW!

Facebook fans Wendy Stevens and Li Mann
have graciously compiled all or nearly all of the tweets
from Johnny's Bluefly gig and put them in the Discussions tab
on Johnny's Facebook page!
And you can still watch the video of his closet
on's "Closet Confessions" if you haven't yet!

Coming soon: More Twitter madness!
Olympic Tweeters, we need you
as we launch our comprehensive campaign
to tweet Johnny onto DWTS!

PLEASE KEEP VOTING for Johnny as Skater of the Year
in USFSA's 2010 Readers' Choice poll
(voting ends July 15)!

Special thanks to Facebook fan Nicole Davis
for "G" is for "Galactic"!

opyright 2010 / Binky and the Misfit Mimes / Lynn V. Ingogly / all rights reserved


germansoulmate said...

I would have wondered if that incredible gift would not have been worth a blog post here.

This, and all the other gifts Johnny has received and will receive in the future, is just incredible and I was sooooo happy on Johnnys behalf. I still wonder why I am always so happy for Johnny when something like this happens. God, what fans are capable of doing when one single person touches their hearts.
His fans care a lot.

Li Mann very eloquently said: "Eat this ISU! USFA!" I want to say "Dito".

And another great message had been posted also.
We made the Top Fundraisers List at Aids/lfeCycle. Isn´t that great. I´m tempted to start another campaign to get our amount up to 10,000 $. It´s not too late.
We have a lot of new fans unlurking. Maybe we can raise a bit more awareness and caring.
What do you think?

WheresMyKoppy said...

See MM, I told you you were probably more clever than I am! But thank you for the shout out! Once again Johnny Weir has managed to distract me from all the other things I had planned to do tonight so I could take care of all this planet stuff, lol! Much like he distracted me yesterday with my all day attempt to completely archive his chat:

It's all his fault! He needs to stop inspiring people to do all this wonderful stuff so that we all get distracted to the point we can't accomplish anything else in life, LOL!

Anonymous said...

Oh, what a fantastic, fantastic birthday gift for him. But we all know he more than deserves it. Kudos to the Russian stan! If this doesn't prompt him to move to Moscow, I don't know what will.

Yes, that sudden transformation from glitzy orbital representation to a flowing silvery J, with a diamond, gets me every time. I'm still crying seeing it.

Wonderful post! I love Johnny and I love everything he has inspired in his fans, stans, the world.

Thank you!

bsontwit said...

love the star trek picture at the beginning! so excited for johnnys birthday - and hoping he really loves this planet as much as we all do!

Jenn Kittler said...

I get teary just looking at that still. Someone seriously needs to make that J into jewelry. Like now. I would so wear that.

It would be great if we could push to hit 10K in honor of his birthday.

I'm looking forward to the DWTS campaign.

Debora Walsh said...

Another great post Binky!!! I was trying to drink my coffee at my desk this morning, and I as I scroll through your post, up pops Bones and "He's dead, Jim..." I can't take it, I'm still laughing, trying desperately to pretend that I even give a sh*t about what's going on in this office at the moment...

Oscar (who always says it best) captures my feelings:
"We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars." Bravo to Johnny's Russian fans, well done!

Now to formulate a relocation strategy to 12413 Johnnyweir, where life is beautiful all the time and BBags and Silver Fox grow on trees...

Nico said...

Every time I think 'surely this will be a quiet week in Weirlandia...' the GALAXY explodes with more love for Johnny. This time, quite literally.

It's seriously breathtaking. All of it. All of you. All of us. All of HIM. I'm with all the people above who are just aching with relief and joy to have Johnny as a point of inspiration (to the point of distraction) in my life.

As a little girl, I always wanted to hurry and get to the future so I could eat food from a tube (like my mom's oil paints) so I could prepare for my life as an astronaut. NOW I finally know why. If you hear about some crazy lady in Utah building a spaceship in her backyard, it's just me!

I love you, Binky! You're my hero. xoxox

Van said...

The symbol "J" is a jewel made of white gold with brilliants. It also is a gift from Johnny's Russian fans ( and symbolises 12413 Johnnyweir (1995 SQ29)

Anonymous said...

There is the design of the gold brooch with diamonds (1.31sec) that present to J.Weir in honor his birthday and which is a symbol of the new minor planet also.

Li Mann said...

Lock in coordinates. Beam me now.

Anonymous said...

i'm soooooooooooooooo tempted to tweet the Mongoose and say "nah-nah-nah-nah-NAH, Johnny's fans gave him a PLANET! so there!"


beautiful video, beautiful pendant, beautiful planet, and of course, absolutely beauteous fans for doing something so loving and special for him.

i give them a full Japanese bow (forehead to the floor) in honor of their Very Special Gift.

Princess Johnny-Love, aka Robin, aka a pink kitten on Facebook right now 'cause it's Johnny's birthday!

Maggie St. said...

I am totally speechless right now over the awesomeness of Johnny's Russian fans, the lovely brooch, and DAT A$$TEROID!

It truly is Johnny's World, and we are all simply happy to revolve around him ♥

Happy Birthday, Johnny Weir!!

Carla Deger said...

Loved your blog and the photos (He's dead, Jim!) Although I just might have stuck Johnny in Yoman Rand's mini dress and go-go-boots (tee hee). Ah that heavenly body...together with that starry-eyed face. I might as well revolve around his planet. He already stormed my battlements and conquered me with one lithe grand jete. I surrender oh interplanetary god of grace and glitter! Beam me up Scotty!