Friday, July 9, 2010

My Coach Is Going as Neo Sky

First things first.

As I'm sure everybody knows, Johnny announced yesterday that he'll be taking a year off from competitive skating, and he formally withdrew from the Grand Prix events to which he had been assigned.

Moments before his press release appeared, he tweeted, "I love my fans." And soon after the news hit, another tweet: "I am sorry to disappoint you all. I will be back. Don't be sad. I love you so much."

And that did make me feel sad--not for me, but for Johnny, sitting there in his hotel room in Japan where he was supposed to have been asleep hours ago, but instead was still up and tweeting to his fans and worrying that they would be disappointed in him.

And I just wanted to say: BB, don't be silly. No apology necessary. You've made a decision that only you can make, regarding the path only you can travel, about the life that only you can live--with all the passion and courage and heartbreak and joie de vivre that is all uniquely, fiercely, fabulously you.

You don't have to explain or defend anything. Ever. To anyone. But thank you for once again sharing yourself so honestly with your fans. Also: Getting to hear your voice on the audio as you delivered the announcement was a lovely gift.

And all I can say is some variation of what I and about a million other people said yesterday as soon as we all heard:

Oh, Johnny.

You are never a disappointment.

Am just along for the ride, wherever it takes you.

Love love you always. ♥

But it was a bit of a tumultuous day, to say the least. You can read the entire text of Johnny's statement on his official website here, and also listen to the audio file here

The announcement hit the mainstream press with lightning speed, which was exciting to see, because Johnny's popularity and
appeal--apparently unbeknownst to the remarkably doltish and obstinate-beyond-all-reason USFSA--has so completely transcended and overshadowed the insular, inbred world of competitive figure skating (may I offer at this juncture another polite FU to the USFSA. Because it makes me happy to do so. And I need a little happy right now.)

Among the delights of the actually really evenhanded press coverage was this gem of an interview with Vanity Fair, in which I stumbled across these Johnny quotes that I will now savor for the rest of my natural life:

[Now] I can go into the ice rink at midnight and skate and be free. (Yes, BB. Fly and be free.)

To be honest, I just want to go somewhere where I can wear a white Speedo. (And a big yes to this also. With twitpics on top.) 

But it was all a little heavy for those of us who live our lives fully invested in all things Johnny, which means loving him to pieces and worrying about him as if he was one of our own, which he kind of is a little bit because he's just that accessible to his fans.

And so you can imagine my sheer delight when a LiveJournal member known to me only as "leupa" and who shall forevermore be enshrined in the hallowed halls of actual laugh-out-loud-till your-stomach-hurts lifesaving humor, took the time to apply the new "Translate Captions" feature to the audio file of Johnny's announcement on YouTube and then post the results here. Because what could possibly get lost in translation? (besides grammar, syntax, and any actual comprehensible meaning.) And if you haven't been there yet, for the love of Weirsus, I'm begging you: Go now. Not only is the entry brilliant, but the comments are priceless and wonderfully soaked in Johnny love.

And so, just as a refresher, may I offer selected portions of Johnny's announcement once again as only YouTube captions can present them, with some additional commentary / translations by me (because I couldn't resist running the translator again to see if it would say the same thing twice, which no, it's a bit more random than that), and with full credit for the concept and also undying love to leupa.

[Note: this reads kinda like ee cummings on acid. Oh. Sorry for the drug reference.]

my dearest can

there many projects but I'm currently working on
and I watch devote my time too
including my single thirty love
[Michael! he wrote a tennis song just for you!]

and also working on the second season
and make it a reality theory the good job here

(alternate translation by YouTube:
and also working on the second he's in my head
reality series be good johnnie we are)
[yes, we are being good. the second he's in our heads.
which is pretty much every second.]

and of course getting in shows
around the world imprisonment
on skating spectacular
[comment from leupa:
"criminal skater Johnny,
making the world more beautiful
one prison at a time"]

my coach is going as neo sky and

viktor petrenko and mean turncoat

I'd like to thank my family, friends, but most of all
Mike can

I skated for my fantasy
and I'm forever in your that
[yes please. go right on in
and make yourself at home in our that.
with your fantasy.]

I can perform in a way that is bucking week
what has been a match books ernie
[yes. bucking week. can't get enough of that
or match books ernie.]

I still hope to be on the knife is often as possible
training and performing my many fans around the world
[we would love to be trained by you.
where do we sign up?]

I mean if elected music from an expanded program
(alternate translation:
ITN's elected music from a knife and cut the programs)
and I'm already dreaming up costing

thank you to everyone who supported me
hello to be performing for you Gary sims
[so I'm guessing Mike Can, Match Books Ernie,
and Gary Sims are BFFs?]

and I'm very proud of everything I've accomplished so far
my life is the figure skater
[yes, it certainly is, but also so much more]

think you spicy but from fat it down

Yes. My thoughts exactly. "Think you spicy but from fat it down." I think that just about covers it. And is also my new motto.
Along with this: In Weirsus we trust. Especially if he's wearing a white Speedo.
Although for now, we'll make do with this new photo from Japan:

Exclusive! Johnny tries on a costume for Fantasy on Ice--
or at least part of a costume...

Hey! You can purchase a T-shirt
in honor of our Ride for Life project!
We exceeded our $7,500 donation goal,
so now we're aiming for $10,000!
We're less than $2,000 away,
and we have until July 31 to get there!
Shirts are $20 each including shipping,
and $10 of that goes directly toward AIDS/LifeCycle!
Everything you need to know about ordering is here!

the 2010 Readers' Choice Skater of the Year Award
(voting ends July 15)!

Special thanks to mallornleaf on ontd_skating
for the Galina-Is-Neo macro!

copyright 2010 / Binky and the Misfit Mimes / Lynn V. Ingogly / all rights reserved


noviarium said...

Here's to a bucking week and white Speedo, to Thirty Love! I love Criminal!Johnny!

I suppose Johnny had made that announcement late at night in Japan so as to hit the US early in the morning.

Part of me that's gutted by the news wondered cynically if he really cared about what his fans would think about his decision and if that concern, if any, was mercenary in nature.

But other part of me that is aware of rents that have to be paid and the fact that when you land from a triple axel you slam a weight of several times your body weight on your leg bones realizes that as much as Johnny makes a gift of his talent and wit and grace for his fans, he has to take care of himself, in ways even his most doting fans can't do. And if this is the best way to explore the opportunities presented to him, I can do no less than support him all the way.

It doesn't change the fact that the announcement was like thunder in broad daylight (at least for me, people apparently have seen this coming) and it hurts and it makes me cry, mostly because he sounds all brave and hopeful. I had to call my RL friends when I read his tweet and actually broke down on the phone. It was scary.

But now I choose to cling to hope--that he will make a smooth, glorious comeback--and the belief that whatever he's going to do, the next year will be one hell of a fabulous journey--experiments, explorations, discoveries, triumphs, and tears--both for Johnny and his fans.

Oh, and the shock left in the wake of the announcement made me realize another gift Johnny had given his fans: each other. Wankers and haters aside, Johnny's fans cry together, hug each other, suggest calming remedies (microwave cupcakes!), laugh together, and show him we will love him regardless and stop being silly about disappointing us, in resounding, no uncertain terms, from every corner of the world.

Debora Walsh said...

ee cummings on acid! rule.

Jessica Lane said...

When I first read this livejournal entry I looked on with polite confusion and could even have uttered the words, "Which, I don't even know what that is."

Thank you, dear Binky, for showing me the light. I love it when I wake up laughing, rolling around in bed with my phone trying not to annoy the cat with my glee. Really, as this is the only action going on in my bed at the moment, it's really appreciated.

Him bracing himself for a wall of wank to tumble down after his announcement was hard to hear. The positive seems to be vastly outweighing the negative because we all (well most. Various haters can please exit Planet Weir to the left directly into the pool of man eating sharks with frickin' lazer beams on their heads) know that he has worked damn near his entire life HARD and the man needs a break. No, he hasn't yet had that chance to sit in a shortie bathrobe under a palm tree, but it's coming.

-ahem taking a cruise in January, Johnny. I have no problem bunking with you......cough-

Thanks, mama, thank you Johnny, thank you to sane fans standing up and supporting our inspiwation. Spicy But.

Ali said...

Wow, someone sure loves you for sending these pics. *is jealous* Thanx for sharing, bb.

You write very well, I have been enjoying reading.

Maggie St. said...

I'm a bit embarrassed to have to admit that when Johnny said "After months of weighing the pros and cons", I misheard it as "After months of wearing a frozen condom".

I am my own Engrish translator. *headdesk*

I've said it before and I'll say it again:

I am not disappointed in his decision to take some time off, to explore new avenues, to get a feel of where they next 25 years may take him.

In fact, I would probably be more concerned if he hadn't taken time off to reassess everything. I'm simply along for the ride and am excited to see where Johnny takes us next! ♥

JEKitten said...

This. So much. It needs no embellishment, but I'm going to do it anyway. Johnnyka, you gave me back parts of my life that I thought had been rubbed away by all the ugly in the world. I know lots of people who would say the same. How could we deny you the chance to do for yourself what you've done for us? Do what's right for you; we love you no matter what!

Princess Johnny-Love said...

"To be honest, I just want to go somewhere where I can wear a white Speedo. (And a big yes to this also. With twitpics on top.) "

Um . . . yes, please! *this kitten's ears are perked up in interest*

The pic you've got of him trying on his costume is kind of close, though. Can't you just see him being naughty and Tara saying, "Johnny!! Be good, I'm trying to take a pic for your fans here. Close the shirt!"

I love Galina as Neo cause she freaking rules! ♥ Galina!

I'm with you, MM, no apology necessary from The Glittering One. True kitten-fans will love and support him no matter what.

If I could send a message to Johnny right now, I would say:

Johnny you are прекрасный

and I deeply admire you,

not just for your skating

but for your beautiful soul

that is such a joy to watch.



Nico said...

@Maggie! You almost killed me with the first sentence of your comment...seriously too funny!

I think the best thing about this announcement is how much the Johnny-ruled territory we lovingly call Weirlandia felt like a real party yesterday. Honestly, it was like a college graduation, complete with an deliciously elegant and hopeful speech (and some drinking and robes and hat throwing). And the best's not over. He's going to grad school! He just wants to take a year to go backpacking through Europe and Asia, away from the frat boys and shameful weenises who have dotted the landscape of his gifted Summa Cum Laude undergraduate existence.

When he's back, he'll be the one schooling them, again. Calling the shots. More mature, more relaxed. He'll OWN IT, no matter what IT becomes. Just like he always has. (If you're going to make that blow job gesture, then you're going to need to present your peonies).

All that aside, I'm not sure that I can think of a better invention than Johnny Weir. So, now he foretells of a REINVENTION. Brace yourself, world. This is going to get VERY, VERY GOOD. And then he'll get bad, and be even better.

We love love you, Johnny!! SO PROUD!!

xoxox to you too, Binks!

Anonymous said...

And so that well honed knife cuts the boredom in (at least) half!!! That transliteration might be sign of the new avant garde we can expect after this hiatus/sabbatical/break from competition.(?) I can't wait!!!!

aaaack said...

Love how your wording is so generous, gentle, and kind. I always look forward to your blogs.

Whatever journey Johnny takes, his fans will want to come along for the ride because he is such a magical creature. In whatever direction Johnny goes, we trust that it will be the right one for him. Johnny mixes glittery Kool-Aid.

WheresMyKoppy said...

I love the pic Binky, thanks! Once again you are eloquent, amusing and so many other adjectives! Great job!

Li Mann said...

OK, this is even hysterical on repeated readings...don't you love it? And white speedos...mmmmmmm.