Thursday, May 13, 2010

Weirlandia Wiki

The Great Seal of the Kingdom of Weirlandia.


Founded: July 2, 1984

Founding Peoples: Saint John and Queen Mother Patti Weir.

Ruler: His Kind, Benevolent, and Gorgeous Eminence, King Johnny Glitterati Weir. Sometimes known as Princess J.

Motto: OMG I DIE.

Lemon Pledge of Allegiance: I pledge allegiance to the man who is the King of Weirlandia, and to all the glitter on which he stands; one man, one Weirlandian nation; indivisible; with sparkly warklies, glitterbombs, and love to all.

Bordered by: Evanistan to the north and west; Lambieland
to the south; Union of Super Sexy Plushy (USSP) to the east. Tiny Joubertembourg is nestled in the corner where Lambieland and the USSP meet.

Capital city: Paris.

National symbols:

     Flower: Red rose.

     Accessory: Pink tassel.

     Animal: The unicorn.

     Bird: The phoenix, mythical creature celebrated for its ability to rise from the ashes and be born anew, again and again.

     Tree: Those ones that Dr. Seuss used to draw. They all look like that here.

     Insect: Ew. We don't have insects. They are just too gross. Hand me another wipe, would you, please?

     Gemstone: Swarovski crystal.

     Beverages: Starbucks and Bellinis. No, not mixed together. Don't you know that? Are you stupid?

National pastimes: Vacuuming and Pledging. Also Snarking, as appropriate.

National holidays: July 2, the King's birthday, is the holiday highlight of the year. The 183 days preceding it are spent planning special celebratory events for the day; the remaining 182 days afterward are dedicated to cleanup (don't ask) and preparing for next year's celebration. In addition, there is the Renaissance Festival of Slurs and Slores that crops up spontaneously, often as a response to events in Evanistan--though we try to ignore those as much as possible for the sake of our king, our sanity, and our skin tone.

Conservation efforts: A mongoose-free zone since 1984.

Religious history: Weirlandians are too tolerant, freedom-loving, genuinely kind and caring, and way too busy on Facebook to bother organizing any type of religion. Also we can't get any volunteers to bring in stale bagels and burnt coffee. However, there are several historical buildings in which citizens sometimes come together to hang out, encourage one another, and help anyone who needs it. These include St. Sparkle's Cathedral, Our Lady of Perpetual Yet Ambiguous Sexual Hotness, Church of the Dazzlerene, and Glory and Glitter Downtown Mission. These informal gatherings often conclude with the singing of the one and only traditional Weirlandian hymn: "We love you, Johnny; oh yes, we do! We love you, Johnny; and we'll be true! When you're not near us, we're blue! Oh Johnny, we love you!"

Most-quoted proverb: Out of ugly, make something beautiful.

Popular bumper stickers:
"Weirlandia: Proudly Bringing You the Best in Diva Bitch Whores on Ice Since 1984."

"Welcome to Weirlandia! Where Everyone Has a Sexual Orientation. Or Two."

"Weirlandia: We're So Not in Naperville Anymore."

"Weirlandia: Because Everyone Has Nipples!"

"Weirlandia! We Could Just Pee Ourselves With Glee!"

"My Other Car Is a Fur-Lined Zamboni"


"Honk If You Have a Butt-Heart from Tanning"

"Honk If You Slice Cheese Like You Don't Know Anything"

"Honk If You Knew It Was a Gargoyle, Not a Dog"

"Honk If You're NOT Sorry for All the Drug References"

"Honk If You've Been There, Sucked That"

"WWJGWD"

Natural resources: Frozen water, eco-friendly GlitterFuel, boundless love and grace among all inhabitants even when we disagree.

Major industries: Who has time for industry? That would really cut into our Facebook discussions and our *right click-save* ontd extravaganzas. Although we're really industrious about those.

Top imports: Guyliner, foot massagers, razor blades, and cupcakes.

Climate and topography:
Weirlandia's landscape is reminiscent of a beautiful snowglobe, all gentle sparkles and glittery mountain ranges, complemented by dozens of icy lakes that are ideal for skating year round. Interestingly, the temperature remains a balmy 75 to 85 degrees Fahrenheit through every season, yet the lakes remain frozen. Some say this phenomenon is rooted in the Ancient Legend of the Frozen Cornfield, a story handed down from generation to generation about the day the King first realized the gift he had been given. In return for his willingness to sacrifice everything to hone the gift and share it with the world, the Powers That Be granted the Weirlandians' wish for perfect weather coupled with perfect ice every day for their King. Because coupling is a good thing.


National haiku:

     Johnny my fingers bleed
     For you I tweet all night long
     Please God beat Snookie

National anthem: "Weirlandia, He's Beautiful"
(sung to the tune of "America the Beautiful")

O beautiful, his long-lashed eyes,
In triumph and in pain,
With sparkly, defiant majesty,
He proves them wrong again!
Weirlandia! Weirlandia!
So mesmerized are we
We crown his brow with roses now
OMG we die, JWe!

Official Royal Portrait
of King Johnny Glitterati Weir


Please keep voting for Johnny
as "Most Addictive Reality Star"
in the NewNowNext Awards! Vote here
(he's the last one listed in the fifth category--scroll down!)
or on Twitter by constantly tweeting #realityWEIR.
Voting ends June 4, which gives us plenty of time
to get Johnny oh, say, ONE MILLION votes!
And vote here for Johnny to win
the 2010 Readers' Choice Skater of the Year Award!

Special thanks to Johnny Weir Facebook fans
Lizzy Pine for her fierce artwork,
Laura Steele for the Queen Mother's portrait,
Ashley Taylor for the motto,
Deborah Johnson for the Lemon Pledge of Allegiance,
Marla Showfer for finding the Unicorn macro,
Francine Pereyra for the hymn,
and Jessica Lane for the haiku!

copyright 2010 / Binky and the Misfit Mimes / Lynn V. Ingogly / all rights reserved

22 comments:

VeronicaA said...

Hey its Veronica from facebook i love this page it is so awsome it is now my homepage when i log in my computer thats how awsome this page is keep up the good work everyone loves it!

Heidi Rutter said...

Could I suggest one additional bumper sticker? (btw, I snorted @ naperville)

"Holy Shit Balls"

WheresMyKoppy said...

OMG, you are so funny! It's five am and I'm trying not too laugh out loud and wake everyone up! I wonder if Johnny and Patti would think we were all nuts if they every read our stuff? LOL!

Anonymous said...

Hey,look Binky! There's your blog in the newspaper stand!

Thanks

TK

bsontwit said...

As usual, your blog is somehow able to make me laugh even though i am half asleep still. its a great way to wake up, thanks for writing!

i have a comment, it still surprises me how sexy johnny weir is, when i first became a fan, he was only 18 and i was totally in love with just his skating. he was always a very cute kid but a kid. i always felt protective over him,like a mom. now theres another side, he can leave me almost breathless sometimes and i really dont know how he does it. he seems to be able to do this to both men and women of all ages. he is just amazingly sexy - it catches me off guard every time because i didnt start out thinking about him like this. i almost feel guilty but there is absolutely nothing that can be done to stop it! i had to confess and get this off my conscience, sorry, i hope you dont mind me commenting here on your blog.

Anonymous said...

I love this, all hail King Johnny!

auntyamyj said...

What a lovely sparkly warkly place to live! I love Weirlandia, really I do. In fact, I can hear birds outside singing the national anthem right now! Ahhhhhhh, so divine!

PumaJ said...

Gasp ❣ ❣ I knew it... I just knew it ❣ I found the "right" place to be, Weirlandia... Hip, hip, hooray❣ ❦ ❦ ✌

Maggie St. said...

You know, every time I hear the word "Weirlandia", I immediately start singing the "Hail Freedonia" anthem in my head - replacing it with W~Land, of course!

and to quote Mr. Jimmy Buffett:
If I couldn't laugh I just would go insane
If we couldn't laugh we just would go insane
If we weren't all crazy
we would go insane

Wendy said...

LOL!

You know I would totally buy a couple of those Honk! bumper stickers.

aaaack said...

You're blog always pleasantly surprises.

Think that moths strongly attracted to glitter, tassels, fur and corsets should be a permissible insect. And butterflies gilded by Faberge.

Please add these national pastimes: snuffling, Post-It note scribbling and banana bread baking.

Note that the national animals of Lambieland are the Glitter Zebra and Jellicle Katze.

Nico said...

For fun, try to explain Weirlandia (and the nations love of our King...I like to think of him as a Prince still, or Princess) to an "innocent." I tried to do so earlier today and, somewhere between the hysterical laughing and the moments choked with tears...I'm not sure I was very clear.

I love that we've created this place together and that this post was enhanced with of all kinds of artistic contributions. Weirlandia is just that kind of place. Down with bagels and hypocrisy!! Up with snuffling!!! xoxox

Anonymous said...

That was fucking brilliant! OMG I laughed hysterically and cried all at the same time :D

May I ask that we add another Official Flower please?

The Amaranth; the Love Lies Bleeding variety? If you check out Weirlandia I've posted a photo of it

Also I have a strange desire to make a "scroll" proclaiming Weirlandia to the world :)

~Lauren A

beautiful-thud said...

OMFG THIS IS THE BEST BLOG EVERRRRR!!!!!!!!! I LAHV LAHV LAHV IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOL'D SO HARD AT "OUR LADY OF PERPETUAL YET AMBIGUOUS SEXUAL HOTNESS" THAT I SCARED MY CAT!

Anonymous said...

LOL! One of your best yet...had me laughing til I cried. Those bumper stickers need to be made for sale...like NOW!

How about Weirlandia's favorite pet?...the ZebraSwan!

Anonymous said...

OMG! i'm dying of happiness! hee hee!

i need to add one more animal: those cute Disney birds that are always fluttering around the head of the heroine, 'cause Princess J makes me feel like that.

and is there room for one more official song?

http://www.facebook.com/topic.php?uid=206362697852&topic=13794

Robin aka Princess Johnny-Love

adam-ross-lover said...

OMG I DIE indeed! It's actually the first time someone can bring me to tears (of joy of course) while reading something. It is amazing Binky!

Anonymous said...

LMFAO. I don't tell you that I love you enough.

I love you,
Tracee

Misfit Mimes said...

Thank you all for reading and commenting! @Veronica: Sweetie, that is the biggest compliment I think I've ever received: I am now someone's home page. :) Thank you so much!

PumaJ said...

MM, oh thank you, thank you, thank you for reposting this page of your blog :-) Such a wonderful way to welcome all of the Peeps to the wonderful world of Weirlandia.

All Hail to our beautiful and brilliant "King" ❣ ❤ ❥ ♥ ♡

Cheryl Davidson said...

Hilarious - Love it!!!!!

Li Mann said...

Hey Binky!
This is really great! Maybe you should see if Tara would post the link to the Weirlandia Wiki on the left side of the FB page so newbies would know what we're talking about? That would be cool, right? And probably do-able....