Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Twimps R Us

Are you following Ice Theatre of New York
on Twitter yet? Also, do you think
this makes me look like a pimp?

Some weeks ago, we proved that, as fans go, we are really kind of amazing. Individually, we might run that interesting gamut from agoraphobics to cat collectors to ninjas in trees to former extremely bored church potluck-committee members to those who run naked with scissors, but in the collective, we are POWERFUL.

We are fans who will stop at NOTHING to accomplish a goal for our beloved Johnny Weir. We are the kind of people who can garner 10,000 signatures on an Internet petition in just two weeks of dedicated pimping. And we also are fans who are currently wandering around aimlessly like kindergarteners who need SOMETHING TO DO because WE'RE BORED, MOM, and if somebody doesn't get out the foam hearts and the glitter glue and the safety scissors pretty damn quick, we will get ourselves into trouble again in some way that likely will end in tears and that time-honored shriek, "I'm TELLING!"

I'm happy to say that there are several really cool fan projects potentially in the works whose details just need some ironing out, like my husband's shirts used to until I simply stopped buying him those kinds of shirts because HELLO. Ironing? Really? My great-grandmother was a wonderfully sweet Presbyterian lady who ironed everyone's underwear, and I am her legacy: Overalls and crinkled T-shirts (because they're SUPPOSED to look like that) for me; sweats for my son; polos for my husband who gets dressed in the dark half-asleep and is lucky he doesn't go to work wearing my clothes because really, he'll just wear whatever's left hanging over the back of the chair from last night; and of course anything she wants for my daughter because SHE DOES HER OWN LAUNDRY.

So while we're waiting for multiple green lights on really cool stuff that we can do to support Johnny, I think it's time we all put our pimp hats and our happy pants and our purple blazers back on, polish up our urban lingo ("Yo, I'm happy for you, Evan, and I'ma let you finish, but Johnny had the best free skate of all time!")  and pimp out some stuff. Especially because Johnny has asked us to.

(1) From Johnny's Twitter: "Go to this link, register, and vote for the Christian Bale Remix under Video Remixes & Mashups for LUCIAN! http://www.youtube.com/webby." As you know, Lucian Piane, aka RevoLucian, is RuPaul's producer, and he has put together a song for Johnny to record called "Dirty Love." You may have heard a little something about this, in the way that you may have heard that the earth is not flat. So let's show our support for Johnny and Lucian by voting in the Webbys and pimping the link out everywhere we can!

(2) Also from Johnny's Twitter: "Saw myself in the same commercial as Snookie. Lovely. Vote for me for most addictive reality star @ http://bit.ly/94tkSm." First of all, may I say how interesting it must be to see yourself in a commercial, and how quickly that impression must go from "interesting" to "OMGWTFBBQ" when Snookie shows up. Secondly: Johnny, honey, OF COURSE! We've been voting for you since you were announced as a nominee two weeks ago! Some fans have issued themselves a challenge to vote 100 times a day for Johnny, which I applaud while wondering if we ever seem, you know, kind of strange to other people...

What a silly thought. Anyway, you can vote as many times as you want on the NewNowNext site. Johnny is the last nominee listed in the fifth category, "Most Addictive Reality Star," so be sure to SCROLL ALL THE WAY DOWN to find him. Or you can vote on Twitter just by constantly tweeting #realityWEIR. Voting continues through June 4, which gives us plenty of time to get Johnny at least a zillion votes.

And why do we want this for him, besides the ache in our hearts that no matter what, we know we can't make up for the Olympic judging but still we want to try? Because the more awards Johnny wins, the more opportunities--especially, we hope, skating opportunities--may come his way.

BREAKING NEWS ALERT: A Twitter search today revealed that we are facing stiff competition from #realityANDREW, #realityJUJUBEE, and #realityKHLOE, so we really need to step it up! Vote / tweet / rinse / repeat! And please also pimp this one out to everyone you know.

(3) Again from Johnny's Twitter: "Disco cleaning to @sergeylazarev [I LOVE that! Can't you just picture Johnny going all John Travolta on his Swiffer?]. The rest of the week is crazy! Sir Elton, Wendy Williams on Wednesday, ITNY Thursday, Kentucky Friday."

So from this tweet, we learn that we need to:

Drive each other crazy with speculation on what the "Sir Elton" part is all about. This is an important pastime whose happy cluelessness cannot be overemphasized.

UPDATE: New tweet from Johnny today: "Skating. So excited for BCRF gala tonight and seeing Sir Elton perform." Ah. OK. So he's going to the Breast Cancer Research Foundation Hot Pink Party tonight at the Waldorf Astoria in NYC. Cocktails at 7 p.m., dinnner at 7:45 p.m., and a special performance by Sir Elton at 9 p.m. So now we can speculate on whether he and Sir Elton will get to hang out afterward! And also applaud Johnny for supporting this worthy cause.

Watch him on Wendy Williams on Wednesday (and now I have to watch just for the sake of alliteration). Check your local listings, and be sure to set your DVR if you're not going to be home.

Try not to feel hopelessly envious of all those lucky souls who are going to see him skate at Ice Theatre of New York's season premier on Thursday. May I extend my very best wishes for a spectacularly sparkly time to all those attending! The Ice Theatre gets rave reviews, and the show should be simply amazing. For all you wallflowers like me who are missing this event, please join me on Johnny's Facebook page to chat wistfully and beg the attendees to hurry up and post their photos and videos already. And we can also show our support on Twitter for the Ice Theatre. It's been feeling a little lonely and unfollowed, so let's all 38,000 of us run right over there and click "Stalk" now!

♥ Scour the Internet on Friday and Saturday for photo-heavy press coverage of Johnny attending the Kentucky Derby, because I really, really have to see, from every conceivable angle, what he chooses to wear. And I am so hoping that there's some kind of awesomely large hat involved.


Tips for the Twitter-challenged:
Twitter can seem awkward at first because you only see the tweets of people you follow. So if you follow Johnny, you see his tweets; but if he doesn't follow you (and no, he can't follow all 55,961 people who follow him because that's just a recipe for complete mental breakdown), he can't see your tweets to him. But he CAN see them if he does a search on twitter for "@JohnnyGWeir". (Note: if you click this link, give it a minute. You might get a screen first that says, "No results." Because by "real-time search results," Twitter means "kind of." But wait for it--it'll refresh and then you'll see them.) Then every tweet that is sent to him will show up, and he can browse through them and reply to any that he wants to. To use Twitter most effectively, you need to do the same thing. Run searches several times a day looking for your own Twitter name to make sure that you can see all the people who are tweeting back to you. You never know: One of them might be Johnny... :). 

OK! Thank God for Twitter, the must-have tool for today's professional pimps, which I believe makes us "Twimps." Although in the hands of restless kindergarteners, your results may vary. But at least we have these fun activities to keep us busy and the glitter glue out of Tara's hair while we wait for new projects. (Remember, Johnny's birthday is coming up July 2, and it's never too early to start planning something fanTAStic for him...).

Oh, and @BozWeir88: Two of the lemmings died of starvation waiting for you to feed us tweets. Please. Say something. ANYTHING. #realityWEIR

Special thanks to Johnny Weir Facebook fan
Gabriela Cabrales for her truly incredible collection
of skating macros on Facebook. OMG! If you haven't seen them,
you must go there RIGHT NOW and laugh yourself sick.

copyright 2010 / Binky and the Misfit Mimes / Lynn V. Ingogly / all rights reserved


Anonymous said...

Ach, Misfit...still love your blog. It´s like a breath of fresh air and feels like a workout to my tummy muscles. Every time.

I so "hate" to be in a different part of this world and probably to never be able to attend any
performance Johnny does. Yes, I´m jealous and wait for pics and interviews and messages and reports to turn up on internetdesperately. Meanwhile, I enjoy every picspam posted over at _skating like the picspam of "I love you, I hate you" today. God, this man is sexy, and fierce. Sigh. I need help, and a life.

Now, I will continue to vote for our man.


bsontwit said...

i tweeted #realityWEIR so much that twitter wont let me tweet anymore, my whole account is screwed up for 2 days so far....so if you are going to tweet #realityWEIR maybe not putting it at the start of the message helps. love your blog Binky, if twitter ever lets me tweet again i will be voting more...

Maggie St. said...

LOL. "Say Anything" Boz! http://tinyurl.com/296ykga

Am now picturing hundreds of Glitterhead Kittens, standing outside Brian's bedroom window, holding up vacuum cleaners, foot massagers, pink tassels; randomly moaning in unison like some zombified John Cusack awaiting word from Johnny's little brother.

Am also picturing Brian calling 9-1-1.

Fear not Brian! We are harmless. Well, mostly harmless. ;)

auntyamyj said...

I am trying to learn to twitter, I really truly am! Boy, now do I want to do an art project more than ever!

Wendy said...

"OMGWTFBBQ" = my new favorite swearcronym

Laugh out loud hysterically funny, Mama, as always! Ain't no way those other biatches are going to beat our Johnny at the http://www.newnownext.com/vote/ game, though. Not gonna let it happen (twitter better start indexing all my tweets, though, grrr).


Misfit Mimes said...

Thank you all! And you GO, Wendy! Totally agree about those other biatches--I want Johnny to not only WIN, but win by a landslide created by his completely crazed fans!

Anonymous said...

Thanks so much for the Twitter lesson. I am still clueless and twitter #realityWeir and I don't get it. But I do it! HOW does that count as a vote? It is not connecting for me. I also have received 0 twitter messages from JGW because I obviously have NOT signed up correctly. One day I will figure it out. HOwever, any crafty thing you might want me to contribute to is up my alley. Can't wait to see what you have cookin'.


Jessica Lane said...

A few haikus to Tweeting…

Johnny my fingers bleed
For you I Tweet all night long
Please God beat Snookie

The competition
Filled with bad hair and worse tans
To win we must Tweet!

Johnny’s poof rocks hard
Snookie’s could be a toupee
You got no chance, ho

Johnny says to Tweet
He commands I obey
Crack that whip, Diva!

Anonymous said...

it's wednesday morning 2am and i've exhausted twitter
just like johnny has
most likely exhausted
his pretty new foot massager


Princess of Johnny-Love <3