Monday, April 26, 2010

Sing It With Me, People! "Dirty Love, Ooo Ooo, Dirty Love..."

For Johnny...
Once again, Facebook fan Lizzy Pine
comes to my rescue with art that is absolutely perfect.
Of course, it helps that her subject
is so fabulous to begin with... :)

Well. Ahem.

Let me adjust my tiara and my charming potato-sack dress. And carefully set my Starbucks down on my lovely new placemat.

All righty then. To recap:

So we were all milling around in Weirlandia last Friday, warmly exchanging photos and video links, and deeply engaged in a detailed discussion of exactly how Johnny could restyle his mullet with a peacock motif, when suddenly this cute little article popped up: "Johnny Weir Launches Music Career With His New Song 'Dirty Love.'"

And everybody froze for a moment.

And then we spent the rest of the day playing Opinion Dodgeball, which is like regular dodgeball only with scalpel-sharp poison-tipped spears instead of those weird red rubber balls that only seem to exist in endless supply at junior high schools, and the ever-increasing speed of the opinion volleys eventually resulted in a giant cloud of wankness that hung over Weirlandia like the residue of Chernobyl. Although--and let me stress this--it was NO ONE PARTICULAR PERSON'S fault. No one was labeled a wanker. But wankness ensued as a result of the collective lack of grace.

So then everybody crawled under their desks like we were in some Cold War drill from 1955, and we put on our gas masks and glanced furtively around and felt kind of--sick.

And then the carnival ride here shut down because dust from the cloud was getting into all the machinery and really making it impossible to maintain a normal atmosphere, which is to say one in which we all whirl around reading at breakneck speed and laughing till we puke.

It's pretty much over now, because the good people of Weirlandia are like that: Caring and forgiving toward one another, and very much united in our diversity and our deeply, deeply held love for Johnny Weir, the conductor of this Crazy Train from which none of us EVER want to disembark, especially when all of a sudden, if we listen closely, we can hear him happily singing in the lead car (he has a lovely tone and is even better when he's not nervous).

So just two small items to cover:

(1) One comment--which I believe has since been deleted--that really stopped me in my tracks during our dodgeball free-for-all was this: "I respected and admired him up until this point."

And I thought, "Really? THIS is what makes you stop respecting and admiring Johnny Weir? That's he's going to--oh dear God I can hardly say it--deep breaths--give me strength--that he's going to--um--SING?"

I mean, I could understand a loss of respect and admiration if he announced that he's actually in an open relationship with North Korea's Kim Jong-il, or that he's giving up skating to pursue his secret dream of being a suicide bomber, or that he honestly believes in the Mayan 2012 prophecy which is why he's signed on as Sarah Palin's campaign manager, or that he's been lying about his financial struggles because in reality he's the top guy in that worldwide human-trafficking ring headquartered in Russia.

But singing--just one little song--THAT's the admiration-killer? Wow.

Fortunately, Johnny expanded on my wow (which really sounds like an activity that should have been a LOT of fun, now that I reread that...) with this tweet. Which, though it may or may not have anything to do with the recent wankness in fandom, reminded me all over again why I love this man, and which inspired Lizzy's beautiful art in response.

And BTW: I plan to be the first in line (unless Lizzy accidentally tramples me in her haste to get there) to download Johnny's song from iTunes when it comes out so that I can promptly transfer it to a CD and blast it over and over again while the kids and I drive the Carmela car around town just so we can hear his voice on those speakers.

(2) Also wow: I was truly amazed at the number of people who reached out via e-mail, Facebook message, and IM to ask what I thought. Of course, I responded quickly and astutely with, "What? Who, me? You're asking me?" And then, after much interesting and overly passionate discussion, eventually I had to, of course, completely crack up. Because there is nothing more ridiculous than a whole big wad of people--MYSELF INCLUDED--all taking themselves way, WAY too seriously. So thank you all, I loved hearing from each and every one of you, and I love Weirlandia, even when we squeeze our collective buttcheeks a little too tightly and act like idiots.

And of course once Weirlandia righted itself, sort of like the Titanic actually making that turn and missing the iceberg, and my sense of humor turned up again in my front overall pocket where apparently I had forgotten it and so it went through the wash but remained intact though slightly more warped, I started humming a little tune to the beat that the words "Dirty Love" had been pounding in the back of my head the whole time.

And I thought about how adorable Johnny is when he sings; and how he mentioned in one episode of BGJW something about even though he's just this side of being an OCD neat freak, he loves hot, dirty, sweaty sex; and that really what I want after the single comes out is the VIDEO of him doing this song; and then that all got mixed together in the wash with that briefly misplaced sense of humor and out popped these Johnny-inspired lyrics to go with this .gif whose creator has my eternal thanks:

Dirty love
Ooo ooo dirty love
Hot, sweaty, dirty love
Let's get a little kinky
Should I grab my Slinky?
I really gotta have you
Dirty love

Verse 1:
Ooo, every time you're near me
No reason, babe, to fear me
Just because I'm always wearing
One red glove
And you know the only thing
That really makes me sing
Is the thing I'm dreaming of
Yeah, dirty love

Dirty love
Ooo ooo dirty love
Hot, sweaty, dirty love
I like it kinda kinky
But now you're kinda stinky
I really gotta clean you
Dirty love

Verse 2:
Ooo, once the party's ended
I am a bit offended
By the stains you always seem
To leave behind
Grab a wipe and help me out
That's what love is all about
The joy of cleaning up
From dirty love

Now we’re washing up above
The cabinets where I shoved
A brand-new double case
of Lemon Pledge
In the shower, scrub the tile
For just a little while,
Won't this lift you to the edge
of desire...?

Dirty love
Ooo ooo dirty love
Hot, sweaty, dirty love
I love the mess it makes
But then I get the shakes
I really gotta Swiffer
Dirty love

Rap portion with fade:
Oh, careful. Don’t step there.
Let me get that. Please move back.
You’re in the way. Are you going
to be like this all day?
Could you bring me the vacuum?
Thanks. Now leave the room.
Yeah, wait for me over there.
Maybe you should just go
and wash your hair...

Please keep voting for Johnny
as "Most Addictive Reality Star"
in the NewNowNext Awards! Vote here
(he's the last one listed in the fifth category--scroll down!)
or on Twitter by constantly tweeting #realityWEIR.
Voting ends June 4, which gives us plenty of time
to get Johnny oh, say, ONE MILLION votes!

"collective buttcheek(s) of Weirlandia" (c) 2010 Nicole Davis :)
copyright 2010 / Binky and the Misfit Mimes / Lynn V. Ingogly / all rights reserved


Anonymous said...

Oh, are my to our sparkly male hero. I love your blogs so much.
Thank you, Thank you, Thank you *bows down in gratitude*

PumaJ said...

OMG! You have totally and completely out done yourself :-)

Lynn, you are one heck of a good woman ❤

nancy king said...

awww binky, I love this. Your sense of humor and style is beautiful and the key word is "unconditional". Last night the Johnny marathon and now this. What a way to start the week. thank you. One part even put a tear in my eyes when a small number of fans could turn on him for one little announcement. I love Johnny and how he has changed my life, no matter what he does.

Nico said...

Hazzah!! And now back to our regularly scheduled lovefest. (c; oxox

We love you, Johnny Weir, and by love I mean that small word and every conceivable sparkling synonym.

Anonymous said...

Yeah, some people don't need much to stop loving Johnny. I must say, I think nothing will never be a good reason to stop loving him.

I'm waiting as crazy for his album as for his book to come out. I'm counting the days (for the book at least). He is just too cute, whatever he does. And if it makes him happy to sing, then all I want to say is "go on kitten".

As for people asking you, I think it's because you've become kind of a reference on the page :) I suppose it must be scary sometimes, to know people estime you THAT much. But you're worth it :)

Ps: Oh my, my english is so bad today ^^'. I better go back to school.

Maggie St. said...

I would so have hot, dirty, sweaty sex; if it meant that I would also get my house cleaned in return! I am a bit of a voyeur when it comes to housecleaning. While I may not like to perform the act itself, I DO like to watch!! ;)

I am just happy to be along for the wild, crazy, ride that is Johnny and his life. Yes, I do care what he chooses to do with his life. Yes, I do have an opinion over choices taken or not taken. But until he specifically asks me what he should do, or how I feel about something; I may offer my opinion on the Boards but I do not for one moment feel that I have any right to tell him what to do.

I'm happy he has the opportunity to try new, different things. An long as no kittens are hurt in the process, I'd tell Johnny to grab as much out of Life as he can.

P.S.- Johnny: If you do ever make it over to my house, I promise I'll let you touch my Dyson! ♥

Anonymous said...

Misfit, you're our flagbearer. And an awesome songwriter, too! I believe Johnny said they're still working on lyrics, perhaps you could offer inspiration. :)

I was first to FB post the announcement from MSN, and actually began to regret doing it when people started ragging. People have the right, surely, I just found it so unexpected. I, too, spewed coffee when I first read the interview, but was shocked at some fans' bad reactions. I really just thought, Well, good for him!

I was introduced to Johnny through PSOI/BGJW, not skating -- which I'd never really watched. The mark of my true stanliness -- I now pay attention to the sport. I live in DC, and would *love nothing more* than to drive to NC to watch Johnny win Nationals in 2011. His only skates that I've had the pleasure of watching in 'real time' were his Olympic programs. I prayed, cried, and laughed out loud with him. I stood up and screamed at the scores on my TV. Already completely invested in him by that point.

Some of us just approach our fandom differently, and react accordingly. I guess some fans only see him as a skater, or a representation of something specific for themselves. As much as I would *love* for him to competitively skate for another year (just one more, and more BGJW, that's what I want!), what I really, REALLY want is for all of *his* dreams to come true.

I want Johnny Weir *the person* to be happy, and I put no expectations on him. I want him to be a role model for *himself*, and I really don't think he owes anyone but himself anything. I would never presume to know better than he what his course should be.

A life full of adventures, and love, and beauty. Whatever he does, to that end, I support. And I'll be second in line to buy both the book AND the single. Go Johnny Go! My stanliness is happy, if you are happy. There are a lot of us out there. Keep us enthralled, however you see fit.
-Wendy, FB

Anonymous said...

I visit JW's fanpage to learn more about him and to catch bits and pieces of Johnny's character in others. YOU, Misfit, are clearly one of those chosen few!!! Thank You...


Jenn Kittler said...

Perfect as always. I'm not going to fight you and Lizzy for a place in line, but I can guarantee every hour I spend at the gym will be scored by Dirty Love. Maybe in rotation with the extended club mix of BaleOut, 'cuz I love that. Note to Lucian: Extended club mix of Dirty Love = perfection!

Love you Johnny! Love you Misfit! Love to all the gentle Weirlings!

Anonymous said...

@Maggie St.:

"I am a bit of a voyeur when it comes to housecleaning."

I just made a mess on my desk reading that comment. That´s the best excuse I´ve ever heard
about not liking housecleaning. I now will use it also. Excited what my hubby is going to say.

Anonymous said...

You have summed up my feelings on Weirgate 2010 to a T! One word: fanTAStic! xoxo -Suzanne

Jen Warfield said...

Thank you so much for your wonderful sentiments and gracious writing. But I have to say, my favorite part of the entry today was the "Rap portion with fade"! Hysterical!!

auntyamyj said...

You are the best, this is the best, and Johnny is the best. I am so ready to sign on and sing back-up for Johnny, I'll back up dance too, if needed! C'mon man, I took 3 and a half years of private classical voice lessons, I can at least shooby shooby shooby doo wop wop for him!
I love you Misfit, and all the other Weirlandians too!

Jessica Lane said...

I prefer to play my Opinion Dodgeball from far away, preferably up a tree, using a slingshot loaded with sarcasm. But you, Binky, come packing something far more potent: logic. ‘Tis an amazing weapon and you wield it better than anyone I know.

Johnny’s tweet a few days after this clustersmuck stating that he refused to fit into a predetermined box made me think that… Yeah, he knows what went down. That could just be me, but the very thought that he could’ve gotten any hint of what happened made me sick all over again. But then I started thinking. You know what? We need to make something beautiful out of something ugly. I feel like we’re now living in a Weirlandian Jawbreaker. Outer layer of casual fans, deeper in crazed fans armed with criticism and delusion, but the gooey center that makes the whole thing worth the effort is peopled by fan(atics) like you and all the amazing people that have risen above the ugly and bonded all over again into something even more beautiful. We have Johnny to thank, yet again, for making all our lives a little brighter without even knowing.

I bow in all of your general directions. Each comment said, better than I can, the depth of our devotion. I love you all as my own.

Now! To warm up my pipes and start planning to sing sing sing! Hide the children, this could get ugly!

Anonymous said...

I gotta say, I just LOVE Johnny's voice. I have a favorite radio interview of his on my iPod and I sometimes listen to it over and over without really listening to the words because the man has a Damn Lovely Voice! So, yes, I will be downloading his song as soon as the dust clears from everyone else fighting over it.

And, oh my! I didn't even think about the video!! Thank you, Mama Monster for pointing that out. Mmmm, Johnny-video! I'm going to my happy place now . . . but I'll leave behind the message I posted on his FB page last night:

Dear Johnny, just wanted to say that I love & support you no matter what. And what's this about boxes? Pfffft! Like you'd ever fit in one! Not unless it was egg-shaped, lined with satin, and decorated with jewels. ♥ xo Princess of Johnny-Love

- Robin