Monday, March 22, 2010

Petition Presented to Smuckers! And They Respond Immediately!

From Johnny Weir's Facebook page,
upon achieving 10,000 signatures on the petition:

Maria Bernier: Cheers to Johnny!!
Here's to happiness, honesty, health care,
and truth in the face of injustice!!
Take that, Smuckers!!
(more fan reaction here)

At last, the moment we've all been waiting for!

Yes, we hit 10,000 signatures on the petition last night! And then some!


Everyone: Stop! Right now! And give yourselves a big round of applause and a hearty slap on the back. Preferably not at the same time, unless you have a Pilates machine handy to help you.

And guess what: The petition was sent to the designated contact person at Smucker's!

And GUESS WHAT: Yes, we received a response immediately!


And what we received was (*insert drum roll here*):

An automated "out-of-office" e-mail reply.

(*insert eye roll here*)

And that's it.

Which, of course, is just exactly what we'd expect from the fine folks at Smucker's, who knew this petition was headed their way at some point soon and who thus decided, with all the crisis-management tools available to them, to go with "avoidance behavior."

And also whose products, which will never, ever enter my home again, all taste like there is paper close to them.

Smucker's: Made with care, and a generous dollop of hypocrisy, in every jar.

But we have much to be proud of--first of all, of course, Johnny, who is ever the epitome of class in every interview, whether addressing the whole agonizing charade that is SOI or any other topic. Nothing but grace and dignity and wicked humor in that boy. Also possibly some kind of mammoth thing, but we can't be sure.

And we also can be proud of all of us, those thousands (yes, literally thousands) of completely crazed fans who worked together tirelessly for two weeks, day into night into day, to achieve maximum petition pimpage overdrive and spent hours (yes, literally hours) hitting "Refresh" on their keyboards to watch that signature number climb and climb and climb until that total Gaga moment when we all saw 10,000 and immediately threw glitter everywhere and began drinking each other under the cyber-table.

Our efforts resulted in heavy media coverage that (1) blew the top off this seamy little snub and exposed it for what it is--Smucker's indignant little gasps of denial notwithstanding, (2) began a boycott of Smucker's, and (3) may have piqued the interest of other big corporations who are smart enough to perceive a ginormously popular [gold mine of a] phenomenon when they see one.

So while an invitation from Smucker's Stars on Ice may or may not be forthcoming when the designated contact person returns from the vending machine or the North Pole or wherever (sigh), there is serious hope that interested parties will band together to bankroll a second figure-skating tour--a glittery, Gaga competitor to Stars on Ice that puts ol' SOI out of its--and our--misery faster than you can say, "Family friendly."

We'll see.

But in the meantime: Job well done, people! (and by "people" I mean "pimps"--in the nicest way possible).

Also, the petition will remain online, so feel free to get more people to sign it! Just to SHOVE THAT MAMMOTH POINT HOME.

And finally: Here's OUR response--and by "our" I mean every single Johnny-obsessed fan out there, all chanting together in a sing-song chorus so thunderous that it makes all the Smucker's jars everywhere fall off the shelves and shatter and then all the shards of glass miraculously fly to Smucker's headquarters in Ohio where we already have the execs or whoever's responsible for this whole clustersmuck tied to their cushy executive pleather chairs and--

Oh. I'm sorry. Excuse me. I'm perspiring a bit and my sweater is all askew. And my children are staring at me with really big eyes.

Anyway. As I was saying, I believe we have the perfect response to their response, penned by one of our very own "OMG I LOVE YOU Johnny!" Facebook fans.

Now please say it with me:

Roses are red,
Violets are blue.
Smuckers can suck it,
'Cause, Johnny, we all love you!

--Robin Fosdick
Johnny Weir Facebook fan

If you would like to say it again, but with actual flowers,
please go here and be a part of the upcoming
BIG fan thank-you to Johnny,
also created by Robin!

copyright 2010 / Binky and the Misfit Mimes / Lynn V. Ingogly / all rights reserved


auntyamyj said...

I LOVE IT! So awesome and I really hope at the very least Johnny will know that there is a whole lotta people who have his back! Can't wait to see what transpires from this, but whatever it is.... it'll be interesting! You know, being that I am from the land of STARBUCKS and STARBUCKS being very cutting edge in their policies....(and Johnny drinking a venti starbucks in almost every one of his episodes) I would think they could sell a lot of Coffee and tickets at a big ice show around the country....? Whattya think?

Moe said...

So proud of everyone for their amazing hard work on getting this petition out there! Its been a long two weeks but I'm glad we finally reached our ultimate goal and then surpassed it...just like that! Whatever the outcome may be, I'm certainly glad that I achieved this with all of the fans! This is incredible!

laura linger said...

I think it would be the very definition of "missed opportunity" if MAC cosmetics didn't make JW their new face...both for the next incarnation of Viva Glam and otherwise. They've done special products based on Hello Kitty and Raquel Welch; why not our little Pokerface?

Luna said...

Smuckers can go you know where. I'm so happy that all of the fans banded together to show Johnny so much love and support. I do hope that some other corporation takes notice and does something that finally puts SOI out of business.